Fat Rophy has his opinions…
(but they don’t reflect other opinions on this website)
Friday 12th April 2024
Boring old fart
A reader who calls himself a boring old fart liked the piece in Review 108 about teams with funny names. Bishops Itchington was good but Llantwit Major was ‘very Monty Python’ or, indeed, ‘very Fawlty Towers’, according to the boring old fart. Perhaps, this is why he was so keen to tell us that in Norway there is a team called FL Fart. he even signed off with ‘Yours fartingly’. Thank you for your contribution Major Llantwit.
Friday 12th April 2024
Someone sphinx they know better
In Review 108, we reported that Coventry City is Coventry’s premier club, with Coventry United as the third Coventry club behind Coventry Sphinx. Mr Tornado (surely not his real name) thinks otherwise. Coventry City are ‘crap and vile’, while Coventry Sphinx are the premier team in Coventry, Mr Tornado tells us. Mr Tornado will be sweating on the last games of the season as Sphinx try to avoid relegation from the Northern Premier League Midlands Division.
Friday 5th April 2024
Pair of socks
Jason Anonymous was quick to point out that the ‘pulling up their socks’ pun in last week’s review after Teversal lost to Mansfield Hosiery Mills is a repeat of a joke in a previous issue. I’m just wondering what has taken Jason so long. These reviews are on a 20-issue cycle. Same old jokes every week, mate.
Friday 29th March 2024
Virgin on the ridiculous
Ken from Manchester congratulated us on branching out to international football when reporting on the Zambia v Zimbabwe game and British Virgin Islands v US Virgin Islands in last week’s issue. Ken asked that there is an in-depth review of the second leg of the Virgin Islands derby in this week’s review. At a great expense, we sent a young reporter there, but he’s met a local lady and lost his virginity. As he didn’t send a report back, we can’t tell you more than the fact that the result was a 0-0 draw, with the British Virgin Islands winning 4-2 on penalties. We will stick with following the BVI, though, Ken.
Thursday 28th March 2024
Back to school
Jason Anonymous swiftly complained about the headline used in Review 106, ‘School of Wales’. “It’s not a school of whales,” he explained. “It’s a common mistake, but it’s a pod.” Did you miss the reference to the podcast, Jason? What’s the collective noun for a bunch of anonymous people?
Saturday 23rd March 2024
No rearrangements
When there’s a cock-up, Fat Rophy is always ready to plead guilty. Indeed, in Review 103, there was an anagram contest with the answers due to appear in Review 104. It’s right to admit they didn’t. Saintsfan2306 brought this oversight to Fat Rophy’s attention, partly because he or she couldn’t work out one of the answers – we’re not sure which one. So, here are the answers belatedly.
- Own evil toy – Yeovil Town
- How men pinch Pat – Chippenham Town
- Deal, the victor – Dover Athletic (I liked this one)
- Send a towel – Wealdstone
Saintsfan2306, we are keen to know which Saints you support, so let us know. And here’s one more anagram for you. We won’t be giving the answer to this one, though.
Bins catalyst.
Friday 22nd March 2024
Itching to leave
We’re grateful to Ken, a Hitchin Town supporter, who wanted to put some balance to the story about Mark Burke in the last review. Ken tells us that after a terrible run of results, it was time for Mark to leave. He had made his mark on the club, but in the wrong way this season. Hitchin Town face fellow strugglers Berkhamsted on Easter Monday, which Ken describes as ‘a monumental game’.
Saturday 9th March 2024
Pit humour
I thought it had been too long without an email from Jason Anonymous. He berated us for using repeated jokes about Colliery Workers’ teams – shafted, digging deeper, and seams seemed like old jokes, he claimed (I assume he means ‘seamed’ like old jokes). However, he liked the reference to Heaton Stannington, which reminded him of a public school twat (his words, not mine) he met when he was at Uni. You went to Uni, Jason? There are so many spelling errors in your emails, too.
Friday 8th March 2024
Cornish clotted cream
An irate person from Cornwall found the Twitter pic about Truro City playing at Morpeth’s ground very unfunny. “Simply not funny” was the message, followed by “Try harder”. OK, we will. How about playing at John O’Groats.
Sunday 25th February 2024
Gateshead Revisited
A reader asked whether I had ever been to Gateshead. I have indeed, although if the question is related to the football ground, I can’t say that I have been to the International Stadium to see the Heed. “You should come”, I am urged, “First beer is on me”, says our friendly reader. I’ll see if the bigwigs who own The Non League Review will cover my expenses, which sounds like a day of several pints.
Friday 23rd February 2024
Murray Field
The idea of combining two sports obviously got the mind of Jake from Pinner working overtime. He suggested Tennis Rugby or, to use his own words, “Even better, Tennis American Football would be hilarious”. I can’t visualise how that will work, but his second suggestion of Synchronised Marathons leaves me scratching my head.
Monday 12th February 2024
All’s well that Taff’s Well
Taff’s Well were delighted to get a mention in last week’s review. We understand that the damned apostrophe in Taff’s Well is the bane of the social media guru’s life. However, we are none the wiser as to whether there is an apostrophe or not. Wikipedia is unequivocal – there is definitely an apostrophe, whereas booking.com either doesn’t bother with such trivia as an apostrophe or doesn’t think there is one. Hotels.com hedge their bets, though when they offer – Top Hotels Closest to Taffs Well Station in Taff’s Well. Fat Rophy doesn’t really care when it comes down to it. As long as you always put an apostrophe in Bishop’s Stortford, you know you are on safe ground.
Monday 5th February 2024
Con Man
The cancelled (not canceled) flights from the Isle of Man for Kendal Town fans drew more interest than I would have expected. Jason Anonymous pointed out that the accompanying picture must have been from an American airport as cancelled was spelt as ‘canceled’. Another reader who has flown from Ronaldsway Airport on the Isle of Man explained in great detail that the airport definitely does not have terminals C and D with multiple gates. Indeed, imagining there are many gates when there are about ten flights per day was negligent. For clarity, the picture of the swallow in this week’s review was not captured over Heybridge Swifts’ ground or Stourbridge Swifts’ ground.
Monday 29th January 2024
Dodgy reporting
Graham from Grantham, a keen Scunthorpe United fan, wrote to us this week. Graham admitted to being old enough to remember Norman Vaughan but, like Norman, accused Fat Rophy of dodgy reporting. He does not believe that there is a German footballer called Ana Boeing and doubts that Hashtag United is ninth for YouTube subscribers. He also chose to remind me that Scunthorpe United beat Charlton on the last occasion they met. Whilst it’s not uncommon for teams to beat Charlton, this is not true. Charlton won 4-0 when they last met in 2018. So, for me, that was swinging. In the previous game, Scunthorpe did stick five past the hapless Londoners. That was dodgy. As for challenging the Ana Boeing and Hashtag United references, one of these is absolutely true.
Monday 22nd January 2024
Pulling up their socks
It was very decent of Mansfield Hosiery Mills retweeting last week’s Non-League Review, particularly as it focused on their 7-0 defeat away to Dearne & District. A 4-1 home defeat last weekend to Melbourne Dynamo was a step in the right direction, but we’ll cheering for the boys next weekend.
Friday 19th January 2024
100 – hoorah – or not
Jason has asked whether the forthcoming 100th edition of the Non-League Review will be a bumper issue. He also suggests that it could contain the best bits of the previous 99 issues. Sadly, the 100th issue will be more of the same. If anyone thinks Fat Rophy has the slightest intention of reading through 99 issues of drivel, they are clearly mistaken. The 1000th issue will be a special one, though.
Sunday 14th January 2024
Lion Kings
A reader from Wales was disappointed that the reference to Golden Lion last week referred to a club in Martinique. He was rather hoping that it was referring to a team from Penarth with the same name. He wonders if Fat Rophy would have enough clout to arrange a match between the Martinique club that lost 12-0 at Lille and the Penarth-based team. I’ll see what I can do. Would a game against Millwall suffice if I can arrange it?
Friday 12th January 2024
No bullshit
Jason Anonymous is getting more obsessed about cows and cow puns than Fat Rophy, so it seems. Having been critical of the Solihull Moors pun, I have been asked bluntly why Jersey Bulls didn’t get a mention. This has been rectified in Review 97. To question why Spennymoor Town have not got a mention strikes me as jumping on a bandwagon. I do think Jason is milking this situation, but that’s the end of my beef.
Friday 5th January 2024
New Year cheers
It was nice to see that the good folk of Welwyn Garden City appreciated last week’s Non-League Review informing them that Welwyn Garden City contained all the letters of New Year. I guess it had never occurred to many of their fans. We wonder if they realised that an anagram of their wonderful club is Try Acing Newlywed or, indeed, Twin Clergy Yawned. What about Agent Winced Wryly? There are so many. And, yes, I get a lot of spare time over the New Year break.
Friday 5th January 2024
Unhappy punter
Jason Anonymous is a regular correspondent who is usually cheery and upbeat. However, it seems we upset him last week. He admits he enjoys the puns peppered (or did he say ‘littered’) throughout the Weekly Reviews, but last week’s review ‘took the biscuit’ according to Jason. He wonders whether Solihull Moors is the worst cow pun ever. Anyway, I’ve sent Jason two Cadbury’s fingers as an apology.
Monday 1st January 2024
Ear lobe
Fat Rophy checked the New Year’s Honours List, but despite protests from many, he is not on the list this year. It makes one wonder whether those players who cup their ear after scoring should become an Earl and get an OBE, so that they would be an Earlobe. Just a thought.
Friday 29 December 2023
Domino effect
A reader from Southend tells us that a Domino’s pizza was thrown at him after their recent game against Barnet by opposition fans as he left the ground. To make it worse, the reader apparently retaliated by throwing a segment of the pizza back, which unfortunately hit an innocent bystander. Fat Rophy would like to know more about this domino effect, even if it is only to provoke a headline in the Southend Herald – Fats Domino Effect.
Friday 8th December 2023
Right and wrong
The left half of the Chesterfield sofa joke brought a stern comment from one reader. Surely, it’s the right half, it was claimed. When you sit on a sofa and face the television, the reader explained, you are sitting on the half of the sofa on which you are sitting. Exactly, and that is the half you are looking at. Perhaps, there is no right and wrong, though Fat Rophy is usually right.
Monday 4th December 2023
Steely response
An irate reader from Yorkshire wanted to make it clear that Sheffield is in Yorkshire, has always been in Yorkshire and will always be in Yorkshire. Well, we agree. The comment last week was that Sheffield FC played in Derbyshire. Are we not allowed to talk about the traitorous Sheffield FC not playing in God’s Own County? Or is it God’s Own Country? I don’t really care. I have a feeling a certain Yorkshireman will tell me soon.
Saturday 2nd December 2023
Too high brow
Jason Anonymous has been quiet for at least a week. Last week’s review caused him to raise an eyebrow. “Has the Weekly Review gone highbrow now?” he asked. He was referring to the bits about Dante’s Inferno, the lyrics of Speedy Gonzalez (sic) and travelling on the A14 (since when has the A14 been high-brow?). “Are we about to have an analysis of Picasso’s inner thoughts if he was a time traveller watching the Dolly Blues play Roffey FC?” asks Jason. Well, maybe. It sounds a decent idea.
Monday 27th November 2023
Three fingers
Jason Anonymous obviously had an idle in his busy life to drop me a line this weekend. “The power of three is full of amazing coincidences as you have pointed out”. Jason tells us he has had three drams of whiskey tonight (Is he Scottish? Do non-Scots say ‘drams’?). Jason tells us he is on his third wife (I don’t think he means physically right now), and he was born on the 27th day (three cubed) of the 9th month (three squared). Next week, Jason tells us about his 81 children (three to the power of four).
Sunday 26th November 2023
Double W
The piece on Walsall Wood last week drew interest from someone who calls himself Ordinary Mick. Ordinary Mick was swift to tell us that the abbreviation WWFC does not belong solely to Walsall Wood. Wycombe Wanderers, of course, have the safe initials as do Wellingborough Whitworth. Mick ends with a question: Did I know about Walsham-le-Willows? Mick, of course I did. Did you forget Wolverhampton Wanderers, Ordinary?
Monday 20th November 2023
Wemberlee Wemberlee
The article on Wembley FC last week drew some comments. “Don’t Wembley fail to get to Wembley every year?” was one. “Do Wembley fans sing ‘Wemberlee Wemberlee’? was an even better question. I reckon they sing, “We’re the famous Wembley, and we’re going to Wemberlee. Wemberlee. Wemberlee”.
Saturday 18th November 2023
Taking the lid off things
A sharp-eyed reader blackpool2010 pointed out that Lydd was listed as a team with one vowel in last week’s review, although there was a reference to Lydd Town later in the piece. The reader questioned whether Y is being counted as a vowel or not. “If Y is counted as a vowel, there are two vowels in Lydd Town”, the reader explained. There’s plenty more in blackpool2010’s dissertation, even veering off into the origins of the word ‘vowel’ and ‘consonant’ coming from the Latin ‘vocalis’ and ‘consonare’. I’m assuming blackpool2010 was born in 2010, but is there really a smartarse 13-year-old who knows Latin out there? I’m still not allowing Rhyl whether Y is treated as a vowel or not – the Welsh for Rhyl is Blaen-Y-Maes. Anyone like to settle this one for the young Blackpool person?
Monday 13th November 2023
Coldchester United
Last week’s article on League Two’s Colchester United brought a cryptic comment from one reader. “There’s nothing to joke about. We are in trouble”, was the comment. A 1-1 draw at home to bottom-placed Sutton United can’t have brought too much joy to the Colchester faithful last weekend. It was curiously signed by someone called Jack Frost.
Sunday 12th November 2023
The jokes on us
OK, so who was the anonymous person who sent an email from a Yahoo account saying we should disband the Joke Department at the Non-League Review HQ and sign up George Ray of Barrow FC as soon as possible? “At least he’s funny” was the stinging comment. Here’s a link to the Dad Jokes Book of 2023 that should keep you happy – linky thingy.
Monday 6th November 2023
Anyone want a hard-working midfield recycler?
Fat Rophy finds it hard to get used to his high profile in non-League football. Someone messaged me on Twitter this week asking if I knew of any clubs wanting a hard-working midfield recycler as he had been released from his club after three years. I must admit I could do with a bit of help putting the rubbish out on Wednesdays. I never know what goes in which bin. I’ve offered just above the minimum wage for five minutes of work.
Thursday 2nd November 2023
Fat cats
While focusing on Fat Rophy as a name. I’ve just remembered that someone asked me a month or two ago whether I am really fat. I wasn’t sure how to take this. Did they mean, was I actually fat? Or did they mean was I really fat, as in obese? My assistant will send a signed photograph, as is usual with all correspondents. We are just waiting for Amazon to deliver an A1 envelope.
Thursday 2nd November 2023
Slimboy Fat
Within 9 minutes of Non-League Review 87 hitting the newsstands, Jason Anonymous had the ink from his pen flowing. OK, so there is no newsstand, and Jason didn’t actually use any ink. However, Jason thought it was odd that Fat Rophy was – to use his words – “cosying up to Slimbridge AFC”. He added, “How good would it be if Slimbridge won the FA Trophy”. It’s a good point. A quick check reveals that only Worthing and Worthing United contain the word ‘thin’. I’m off to see Plumpton Athletic.
Monday 30th October 2023
It’s in the Walter
Micky Mellon, the new manager of Oldham Athletic, has a catchy and memorable name (see last week’s review). However, it has been suggested by one reader that his parents missed a trick. Surely, they could have named baby Micky as Walter instead. Now, that would have been memorable. However, Micky’s sister, Honeydew, did think it was a rather silly name when there is already a Paddy Mellon in the family. Time for Google unless you know your marsupials.
Saturday 28th October 2023
Ee by gum
While congratulations flooded in for Debenham Leisure Centre’s achievement of having six Es in their name, it didn’t take long for an email to arrive asking whether they run a reserve team. Debenham Leisure Centre Reserves would have nine Es. Of course, their Veteran Over Seventies Reserves would have 15 Es.
Monday 16th October 2023
Never ending
It was nice to get a retweet last week from Infinity FC who got a mention in the last week’s review. I’m not sure why they retweeted so many times. I reckon they were planning to retweet an infinite number of times but someone stopped them.
Monday 9th October 2023
Staining our reputation
In the last review, we featured the keepers of the men’s and women’s teams at Steyning Town. Except for one problem. Steyning Town tell us that this information is wrong. The picture sadly has disappeared from the internet, so we are left in the dark.
Sunday 8th October 2023
Move over darling
A reader from Darlington complained about the two articles on Darlington and Darlington United in the last issue. “Utter nonsense. Firstly, Darlington is nowhere near the coast”, ranted the reader. “Secondly, Darlington United are a very small club compared to Darlington”. Whilst we are always happy to respond to disgruntled readers, there was no reference to Darlington being near the coast and no suggestion that Darlington United isn’t a much smaller club than Darlington. After Darlington’s 4-0 defeat at Tamworth this weekend, it may be best to let the matter drop.
Monday 18th September 2023
Dead serious
In last week’s review, there was news of some interesting FA Trophy clashes that are taking place this coming weekend. They included Quorn v Leek Town and Carlton Town v Chasetown. Ron from Chelmsford thought that Bury Town v Walthamstow was missed from the list. Why? Because Ron’s nan is buried in Walthamstow. To ensure we don’t have this problem again, please let me know where your relatives are buried.
Friday 15th September 2023
Final whistle
In last week’s review, there was a mention of Haltwhistle Jubilee’s match at Percy Main Amateurs. We have a reader who used to live in Haltwhistle, it seems, so let me share some info about Haltwhistle. Firstly, although Haltwhistle has a railway station, the name has nothing to do with trains. The name comes from a hilltop near two rivers, although there is a lot of word-twisting to turn into Haltwhistle. The town is midway between Newcastle and Carlisle and the nearest town to Hadrian’s Wall. It’s rather hilly around there, and the population of the market town is around 3,000. And, yes, our reader has seen Haltwhistle Jubilee play. I rather like the domain name of club’s website, which is www.haltyjubes.com. Up the Halty Jubes!
Sunday 10th September 2023
Not being awkward
Ryan, a Bishop Auckland fan, wrote to us this week after reporting on the FA Cup tie with West Auckland Town in last week’s review. After a draw at home to West Auckland Town, Bishop Auckland won the replay 2-1. Ryan wanted to make it clear that it was a lot more one-sided than the score would suggest, plus there should have been a penalty in one of the games, plus someone should have got sent off, plus there were some lucky deflections, plus West Auckland were crap, plus someone should have got sent off, plus Bishop Auckland will win the league etc. Point taken.
Saturday 9th September 2023
Good shot
Apologies to Badshot Lea for suggesting that they were bad at shooting. They managed five goals in their FA Trophy tie against what was unarguably a tame effort by Thame United. They now face Sutton Common Rovers at home.
Saturday 2nd September 2023
Bus Pass
A complaint arrived from our old friend, Jason. He loved the video of Newhaven goalkeeper Jake Buss cracking home a late equaliser for his team. That was fine. What Jason objected to was the picture of a bus stop on the website (readers of the email were spared this picture). He has a point. A bus stop would suggest that Jake saved a penalty or made a great save. The junior who used this picture has been fired, Jason.
Thursday 31st August 2023
Sutton revisited
Millions of thanks to John, a Sutton United supporter (the one in the Football League). Maybe, a billion thanks. He showered Fat Rophy with gratitude last week when he read this column and found out that there was another Sutton United (see last week’s review). His email began, “You have literally made my day,” and he was soon adding, “many many thanks for your brilliant coverage”. John never realised that there was another Sutton United until he read this column last week. “I’ve now got two teams to support”, John quipped as he signed off with “Yours cheerfully”. Nothing like a happy customer. And, then, there’s Jason…
Sunday 27th August 2023
Too big for my boots
It didn’t take Jason long to notice – he emails me almost every week. This week, it was to note that the FA Trophy Review has been renamed the Non-League Review. “Grandiosity creeping up on you and Fat Rophy, Sir”, comments Jason. It’s for a short period that it will be called the Non-League Review, Jason. FIFA has approached us to run their weekly news and review.
Monday 21st August 2023
Just put some cheese out
A big welcome to several supporters from Mousehole who decided to follow us on here after giving their wonderful club a mention in last week’s review. There will be more in weeks to come.
Sunday 20th August 2023
Getting shirty
A letter from a Torquay fan ended up in my mailbag after seeing last week’s article about their dubious shirt (see Review 77). As the writer commented, “They can wear what they like. It’s whose (sic) wearing that matters”. The correspondent then broke into a rant. “They could wear all pink for what I care as long as they played well”. Whatever next? All pink kit in Devon? Do Dulwich Hamlet know this?
Tuesday 15th August 2023
Women’s World Cup
Clearly, the Australians are cheating in the Women’s World Cup. While listening to a half-time radio report, I heard, “The home side is defending deep at times and getting as many men as they can behind the ball”.
Sunday 13th August 2023
Northern bias
Many thanks to the Wealdstone fan who wrote to me complaining that I am a biased Northerner. “At best, York were lucky to be level after an hour”, contradicting my post a week ago. “At best”, he repeated. “We are not a fashionable club with a (Football) League history like York. The press are all the same about lucky little Wealdstone”. Well, it balances out last season’s letter, claiming this blog was biased towards southern sides. This weekend, Wealdstone managed to scrape an incredibly lucky 0-0 draw at Eastleigh. Of course, as Eastleigh is south of Wealdstone, this is just more Northern bias.
Monday 7th August 2023
Going Dutch
Best email of the week goes to someone called Red Fan. I tried to track Red Fan down, but the name must cover a few million people in the UK. Anyway, Red Fan had a complaint. He or she wanted to know why there was a picture of windmills alongside the article in Review 75 about the student from the University of Chichester. He/she asked whether it was because the thesis went around in circles. While writing, Red Fan added that not all the Saudi Arabia League teams begin with Al. It’s true. Four do not – Ittihard Club, Abha Club, Khaleej FC and Damac FC. However, the other 14 clubs do. Point taken, though, Red Fan.
Sunday 6th August 2023
The Yorkies aren’t on me
I met some friendly York City fans before the Wealdstone game last Saturday. One of them promised me that York City would win by two or three goals. To be fair, it looked that way based on the first hour of the game, but Wealdstone came back from 1-0 down to win 2-1. Now, I was offered a beer after the game if York City lost. However, I was also told that they would “piss off straight after t’game” if York lost. They know how to make a safe bet in Yorkshire.
Wednesday 2nd August 2023
Bloodbath in Saudi
I often wonder what Jason Anonymous does in the summer. I presume he harangues someone who runs a weekly cricket review. Jason was one of two people who queried the reference to Al Metoe, although both correctly identified this as kicking the leg of a bed. However, Jason is clearly looking for a job. He suggests that Al Jolson v Al Capone would have been a better fixture. On reflection, I reckon Al Pacino v Al Gore would have been better, although it might have been a bit of a bloodbath. Al Widersehen. Oh no, it’s Alf.
Monday 31st July 2023
Fat Rophy playing non-League?
Best quotes from non-League fans at pre-season friendlies.
Man 1: Do you want a pie?
Man 2: Yes, I’ll have 3.141592 steak and kidney ones, please
Fan without cap: Where does the new signing play?
Fan with cap: He’s a wide midfielder
Fan without cap: Yep, looks like he’s carrying a bit of timber
Man with blue scarf: Is this the away end?
Man with red scarf: If you like
Sunday 11th June 2023
North of Watford
Londoners have always thought the north starts at Watford. However, the organisers of the National League have decided that it starts at Bishop’s Stortford. Why? Well, Bishop’s Stortford who were promoted from the Isthmian Premier will be playing in the National League North next season, as the cut-off line has drifted further south after the 22-23 season’s ups and downs. It means Bishop’s Stortford face trips to Blyth Spartans, Spennymoor Town, Darlington and South Shields. If Bishop’s Stortford had failed to win promotion, it’s likely that Braintree Town would have been in the National League North. It looks like a tough season for Les Bleus, as they are known, as they drift travel further away from France.
Friday 9th June 2023
Initial reaction revealed
I never did get around to revealing what the initials, IFRTTCATFAMNCGTTPOWWAFMBTATOSBU, stood for. I did say that the Notts County fan was irate, although I suspect he or she has calmed down by now. This was a good effort – In football, really tedious tournaments can accentuate the Football Association’s mindlessness. Notts County can get through the play off with wins against frankly mid-table Bromley taking absolutely thousands of supporters by underground. However, the answer is: It’s f****** rudiculous that those c**** at the FA make Notts County go thru the play offs when we are f****** miles better than all the other sh** below us. Obviously really.
Tuesday 23rd May 2023
In a pickle
Thank you to Rob, who seems most interested in the reference to Wilfred Pickles in the final weekly review of the 22-23 season. Rob dearly remembers Have a go, Joe, but asks whether Wilfred also presented Down Your Way. Our team of researchers can confirm that Wilfred never presented that programme. My memory is Franklin Engelmann presenting the programme, but there were others, including Richard Dimbleby. Returning to Wilfred, though, he did appear in Dr Finlay’s Bookcase. “Nurse, the curtains” or was it “Nurse, the croutons”? I can never remember.
Tuesday 23rd May 2023
The X Factor
So, FC Halifax Town won the 22-23 FA Trophy, beating Gateshead 1-0. However, Wrexham’s promotion to the Football League does not mean that FC Halifax will be the only team in the National League with an X in their name next season. Oxford City won the National League South playoff final with a 4-0 win over St Albans and will join Halifax in the National League.
Sunday 14th May 2023
Anger of the North
Bishop’s Stortford should rightly be proud of reaching the National League South after coming close last season. Except, that is, there is a very real chance that, due to promotions and relegations, they could end up in the National League North. That seems tough on a club supposedly on the way up.
Thursday 4th May 2023
Initial reaction
A Notts County fan was quick to write to me after the delivery of Review 73. I’ll just put the initial letters of his email. See if you can work it out. IFRTTCATFAMNCGTTPOWWAFMBTATOSBU. A prize of 50p awaits the first person to solve. I expect it will be a Notts County fan.
Wednesday 3rd May 2023
Coronation Week spoilt
It didn’t take long for Jason Anonymous to respond to Review 73. He says that he is “gutted”, “forlorn”, and “wracked with disappointment”. The reason? In Review 50, a special Review 73 was promised. Jason went on to say, “I had taken two days off work. One to read Review 73 and one to be enthralled by replays of the Coronation. My whole week is ruined”. Jason, every review is special. In a recent poll, 100% of readers said they were “highly satisfied” with the Weekly Review. Maybe, the special FA Trophy Review 74 coming in May will save the day. Somehow, I doubt it.
Tuesday 25th April 2023
Town crier
Thank you, Jason Anonymous, for your heartfelt message. “It’s so good to have you back. We’ve all missed you” blah, blah, blah. Then Jason tells me that the Halifax v Grimsby final in 2016 remains a momentous occasion as it is the only FA Trophy Final that has been contested by two ‘Towns’ – Halifax Town and Grimsby Town. I had to check, and he is right. However, the Final has never been contested by two ‘City’ clubs, two ‘United’ teams, two ‘Rangers’ or any other last name, whereas the FA Vase Finals have often had two Towns competing. Fascinating stuff. Now, were you sincere with you’re “missed you” comments, Jason?
Monday 24th April 2023
X marks the spot
A fan of FC Halifax Town, Dave, wrote to us this week. He wanted to know if we realised that this year’s FA Trophy Final between FC Halifax Town and Gateshead will be unique for two reasons. Firstly, it will be the first time that a final has been contested by a team with X in its name for two consecutive years. Secondly, it will be the second Wembley final contested by teams beginning with consecutive letters of the alphabet. The last one also involved Halifax when they beat Grimsby Town. Whether you decide that FC Halifax Town begins with an ‘F’ or an ‘H’, it works. The non-Wembley final that involved teams starting with consecutive letters was between Grays Athletic and Hucknall at Villa Park in 2005.
Sunday 23rd April 2023
Wrecsam yn ennill y Gynghrair Genedlaethol
There was pandemonium at the Royal Oak in Wrecsam on Saturday. The Royal Oak was the pub I was welcomed in before and after last season’s FA Trophy semi-final with Stockport County. Indeed, the book From Hashtag United to Wembley is proudly displayed there. I asked the landlady of the Royal Oak on Sunday if they had a good night on Saturday after clinching the National League title on Saturday evening. Her reply was “It was absolutely crazy, the best days ever in the pub. The atmosphere was out of this world !!!!” I didn’t ask the question too early in the day, as they’re may have been some sore heads on Sunday. As they say in Korea, 렉섬 내셔널리그 우승.
Monday 17th April 2023
High fives for Cobbydalers
It’s hard not to like a team nicknamed The Cobbydalers. Silsden FC play in the Northern Counties East League Premier Division. This week they tonked relegated Goole 5-0, but how can you not like a team that plays at The Office Interiors Stadium when you can sit in the Simply Ventilation Stand and watch a game of football?
Saturday 15th April 2023
Bloke in the crowd
The bloke in the crowd in last week’s review brought a couple of interesting memories in my fan mail. The two standouts were:
- (Directed at a visiting keeper called Jones) “You save everything with your legs. We should call you “Hands-Free Jones”.
- (Directed at whistle-happy ref) “You’d have your dog running round in ever-decreasing circles with that whistle if you were on One Man and His Dog”.
Friday 14th April 2023
Fat Rophy is back
It may seem like a trivial matter, but Fat Rophy has been in a pay dispute with the owners of fatrophy.co.uk for the last three months. All that I demanded was an 80% pay increase, a quite reasonable request with inflation so high and, of course, taking into account the huge popularity of the Fat Rophy column. Of course, being a reasonable person, I settled for 75%, but Fat Rophy’s occasional rants are back! Stay tuned.
Monday 23rd January 2023
Dipstick
Jason Anonymous was less worried about a wrong piece of information and was sharing his expertise on the gesture made to Steven Gerrard by a young Chelsea fan (see last week’s review). Jason tells us that they called it a dipstick at school. It’s a new one to me, but if Jason says it, then it must be true.
Sunday 21st January 2023
Life of Brian
As if to rival our Suffolk correspondent, who used to play in a team with Good, King and Wenceslas in the half back line, Brian from Nottinghamshire made contact with us at Fat Rophy Towers. Brian revealed that he used to play in a team which had five Brians. As this was confusing, it was agreed that the Brians would be referred to by their middle name, except captain Brian, who remained as Brian or ‘Skip’. Our correspondent reveals that he was known as Trevor (Ed: I’m assuming his middle name is Trevor), but, more significantly, the name has stuck, and many people still call him Trevor. While that seems unlucky, I can’t imagine that there have been five Brians of footballing age within 10 miles of each other for some years, so I am guessing this is in the 1960s. Am I right, Trev?