Fat Rophy has his opinions…
(but they don’t reflect other opinions on this website)
Tuesday 17th August 2022
What’s old pussycat?
I’ve been worrying about Jason Anonymous all summer, but he is undoubtedly alive and well. Within minutes of tweeting this week’s Review, Jason had sent an email telling us that the Liversedge/liver sausage joke was used last season. I understand the boss has sacked the entire editorial team, but it’s his responsibility, in my opinion. Whilst the pun on Tom Jones’ songs is very amusing, Mr Anonymous, Fat Rophy does not want his reputation being tainted by being referred to as a ‘pussycat’. Thank you for the email nevertheless.
Monday 15th August 2022
‘Old on a minute
Oldham Athletic played in the National League last Saturday winning 3-2. Their opponents were Dorking Wanderers, newly promoted to the National League. Many may forget that Oldham were a founder member of the Premier League in 1992. What about Dorking Wanderers in 1992? Well, they were founded in 1999 and joined the Crawley & District League. They leapt a few levels in the past 23 years.
Tuesday 9th August 2022
Fat Rophy not sponsored by London Zoo
A rumour has been circulating that I am sponsored by London Zoo and have taken London Zoo to court. This is entirely untrue. The rumour seems to have arisen from a misunderstanding by an overworked young hack at a local paper. He heard that the FA Trophy is now sponsored by Isuzu. However as Fat Rophy is arguably better known than the FA Trophy itself, he made the sort of mistake that anyone can make. The young hack was sacked, of course.
Monday 8th August 2022
Contract agreed
Fat Rophy is back for another season, bringing you all the news and non-news. It’s a slightly late start to the season, but contract negotiations between the management and me took longer than expected. Eventually, the management appreciated my true value. Stand by for more news.
Wednesday 25th May 2022
Fax or fiction
It’s a good thing that I check the weekly review thoroughly before it is published. However, this week, I was unable to do this and a young journalist reported that Wrexham will face Halifax or Chesterfield in the National League Semi-Final play-off this Saturday. In fact, it is Solihull Moors that play the winner of this tie, which turned out to be Chesterfield. Wrexham will face Grimsby Town after their win over Notts County. However, the BBC made a faux pas as well this week when ‘Manchester United are rubbish’ appeared on TV screens – watch it here. I guess the difference is that the Beeb’s reporting was accurate whereas the FA Trophy Review wasn’t.
Sunday 22nd May 2022
Keeping it Rieu
I am, of course, on an expenses-paid trip to Wembley to witness the FA Trophy Final. I am staying in a top hotel on the Wembley complex – well the Premier Inn, actually, because the owners are so tight-fisted. However, last night was pure magic in the hotel bar. Celebrating Sunderland fans mixed with arriving Wrexham fans, which was fine. And, then, a bunch of old farts carrying their Andre Rieu programmes arrived in their jackets and ties/long dresses from the Wembley Arena. What a fine cross-section of the public there was to see. I’m not sure the Andre Rieu fans would agree. Still, it might be part of Boris’s levelling up programme. By the way, how do you pronounce Rieu? It seems to me like the sort of sound Sunderland fans might have been making after 15 pints and 10 shots.
Monday 16th May 2022
Fat Rophy was not in Hull
A reader of our column, Don from Hull, wrote in to tell us that he spotted Fat Rophy in the Prospect Shopping Centre in Hull. According to Don, there was a person of similar build to Fat Rophy, wearing an ill-fitting hooped top and shorts. As far as Don could tell, the person he spotted only three fingers on his right hand. Don claims he has won the Spot the Fat Rophy competition and claims his £10,000 prize. I think Don is mistaken.
Sunday 8th May 2022
Extra time
A Halifax Town fan wishes to point out that his club has only been mentioned once on the FA Trophy website all season. And, to make matters worse, the only time was in a pathectic (sic) pun in the post that had 26 clubs hidden. And, to make matters even worse, Halifax was couched in the pun “Ali, facts”. It hardly works as a pun, the fan claims. Of course, this misses the important point that Halifax Town scraped past the inferior opposition of Bradford (Park Avenue) and Alfreton Town on penalties in the FA Trophy before succumbing to Notts County. I’m not sure they deserve a mention, to be honest. Of course, this can be rectified. A decent mention on FC Halifax Town’s website or The Halifax Bank’s website and it’s a guaranteed full-page spread on fatrophy.co.uk. Come on, give a little extra.
Monday 2nd May 2022
Weak argument
I didn’t respond to one email last week about the fact that the Weekly Reviews are numbered sequentially, even when a week is missed. The argument goes that as there was no Weekly Review over Easter, the numbering should have skipped a number. At our next committee meeting, I will propose that the Weekly Review 33, for example, is called Weekly Review Issue 33. I’ll just wait for the email that tells me that it’s not a weekly review if it’s not weekly. How about Review Issue 33? Does anyone care?
Saturday 30th April 2022
Jason and the arguments
Just when you think things have quietened down in the FA Trophy, Jason Anonymous pops up and asks me, “do I think Wrexham will have the double?” This question is, of course, a reference to Stockport County appearing to choke when it looked as though they had the automatic promotion spot to the Football League in the bag. Stockport have a tricky week ahead. They travel to Chesterfield on Monday 2nd May and then head to Wrexham next Sunday. So, Wrexham achieving the double of the National League and the FA Trophy is a real possibility. Of course, if Jason is talking about the doubles consumed in Wrexham bars, there is no question about the answer to that one, particularly if they beat Stockport.
Thursday 22nd April 2022
Nepalese readers
According to the website statistics, the readership of the last week’s Weekly Review hit extraordinary levels in Mexico. It’s possible that a lot of Mexicans follow the fortunes of Lee Erwin of the Finnish side, Haka, but I think it’s more like that a lot of Mexicans follow Tractor that well known Iranian side. The only other explanation is that Rophy is an antidepressant available in Mexico, but I suppose if Erwin has left Tractor it is quite depressing for Mexican fans.
Sunday 17th April 2022
Iranian football teams
Following on from last week’s review when we revealed that Scottish-born Lee Erwin not only played for Leeds, Oldham and Honka, but Tractor in Iran, I have explored the names of Iranian clubs in more depth. You will find that the Iranian professional leagues include teams named Machine, Gostaresh Fool, Naft and, my favourite, Zob. Across the border in Iraq, you will find Al Talaba, Al Naft, Al Kahraba, Al Minaa, Al Shorta, Al Dente and Al Fresco.
Thursday 8th April 2022
Teleporting from Wales to geographic coordinates 51.55581, -0.27955
It’s funny how things come back to the brain. As I was leaving the Wrexham v Stockport game, I walked for a while with a jubilant Wrexham supporter, who was probably in his 60s or early 70s. “I’m literally at Wembley already”, he said. I didn’t like to correct him as we trudged through Wrexham’s pedestrianised town centre. “I don’t care who we play. They’ll bring less fans than us”, he added. “Fewer”, I found myself saying, as he veered left in to the Wetherspoons pub.
Wednesday 7th April 2022
FC United of Manchester in Europe
Following on from this week’s Weekly Review which featured FC United of Manchester, I can reveal that FC United went to Brera FC in Italy and won 3-1. I found this information from a Russian website (www.fcunited.ru), which is curious. Indeed, on visiting the website, the video page is overlaid with disturbing pictures of the war in Ukraine. You have to click a ‘Stop the War’ button to be able to view the content. Curious.
Wednesday 30th March 2022
Wifi dogs
Approximately, 45 seconds after this week’s weekly review was posted, Jason Anonymous blew the dust off his mouse and was at his keyboard. “I’m intrigued by the wifi dogs”, he began. “I assume the dog must be an Airwavedale”. Although everyone will have to wait another week to learn about wifi dogs in Wrexham, I can tell you that it is not a Rottweiler even though a bite from one of them megahurts.
Monday 28th March 2022
Dover soul
When Dover Athletic took a 5-2 lead at mighty Wrexham on Saturday, it looked as though the Whites were on their way to their first away league win of the season. It all changed though when Ollie Palmer struck two goals to make it 4-5, leaving Jordan Davies to bring a surprise home win in added time with two late goals. So, it was 6-5 in Wrexham’s favour. I can’t see a repeat of such a scoreline in this week’s semi-final against mighty Stockport County. These two clubs now occupy the top two spots in the National League.
Wednesday 23rd March 2022
Argy bhaji continued
A reader of our weekly review has defended the quality of curries in Wales and assures me that a curry in Wrexham will be first class. However, things are getting quite competitive, it would appear. The reader claims that it will be better than the one in Stockport as curries in Greater Manchester tend to be bland. This statement seems to add a bit more spice (and another chilli) to the eagerly-awaited Wrexham v Stockport FA Trophy semi-final. I’ll make my judgement after my visit to Wrexham. I just hope readers of this column don’t find this all very dahl, but the correspondent seems like a decent chapati.
Wednesday 16th March 2022
Sauceror’s stone and pheonix
A Stockport supporter, who kindly provided their full name (first, middle and last name) has been in contact. JKR, as I will call her to protect anonymity, wanted to make it clear that she had been wearing her blue shirt and scarf around Needham Market from around 10.10 a.m. and. like me, was also in The Angel cafe at 11.30 a.m. I have no reason to doubt JKR’s claim; I just didn’t see any blue before midday. However, I’m curious to know if she was one of the group knocking back the 24 shots (see match report). JKR, to use her initials, is not J.K. Rowling for those wondering; I don’t think J.K. Rowling supports Stockport, plus it seems unlikely that she would make two spelling errors.
Note: Yes, we know it’s sorceror and phoenix.
Thursday 10th March 2022
Where is Needham Market?
After sending out the Weekly Review, it was a matter of minutes before someone replied that saying Needham Market was 6 to 7 miles northwest of Ipswich was not particularly helpful if you were unsure where Ipswich is. So, let me help our reader. The best way to locate Ipswich is by travelling 6 to 7 miles southeast from Needham Market. Alternatively, walk in a straight line east from Milton Keynes or northeast from Portsmouth. Alternatively, walk and, when necessary, swim due north from Folkestone and you really can’t miss it. Finally, you charter a plane and fly due east from Calgary in Canada and you will get a fine view of Ipswich.
Monday 7th March 2022
Four meaty ties
Jason Anonymous has a good memory. He recalls much earlier in my FA Trophy trail, there was much talk about teams with meat products in their name. He points out that the Needham Market v Stockport County tie has got it all – ham with port to follow. I just need to remember which way you pass the ham. Further, Notts County entertain Wrexham, another ham, as well as Dagenham & Red Wine facing York Ham. And, then, Jason’s big moment when he spotted the moo in Solihull Moors.
Wednesday 2nd March 2022
The Nuts and Bolts of things
I’ve been doing some research on the nicknames of non-League teams this week. When Notts County play Maidenhead United in the National League, The Magpies play The Magpies. But, they are plenty of good nicknames. Brightlingsea Regent are unfortunately nicknamed the Rs. Do supporters really shout “Up the Rs”? Coggeshall Town are called the Seed Growers while Ashford United are known as The Nuts & Bolts. Animal nicknames are plentiful – Guernsey are The Green Lions, Binfield are The Moles, Ramsgate are The Rams, Hyde United are The Tigers as are Worksop Town. Grantham Town are charmingly called The Gingerbreads and Lancaster City are more strangely known as The Dolly Blues. Morpeth Town are The Highwaymen and Slough Town are The Rebels. I’ll be looking for some soon!
Thursday 24th February 2022
Squatting position
Link Ken, who is coincidentally a Lincoln City supporter, was excited to read the item about the lack of twin strikers in football these days. However, he has written to us about Lincoln’s Ben House and Tom Hopper. He hopes House-Hopper could be a regular twin striker partnership for The Imps as it conjures an image for him of someone moving from one squat to another. Good effort, Ken, but it doesn’t compare to Charlton’s back three at one time of Fish, Costa, Fortune.
Tuesday 22nd February 2022
Romance was almost in the air
Dave, a supporter of Notts County, enjoyed last week’s Valentine-themed weekly review (subscribe here). “What a weekend. Well, almost”, enthused Dave. He was delighted with Notts County’s win at Halifax and equally chuffed that County will now face Wrexham in the quarter-finals at home. “Hope we stuff them”, growled Dave. However, he particularly liked the Valentine’s Day Wordsearch (near the bottom). His girlfriend, Tasha, was charmed when he read the first line of the Wordsearch – “Blovepolt”. I’m not sure Dave has got the idea of how Wordsearch works, but Tasha apparently found Dave saying “Blovepolt” in a sexy Russian accent overwhelming (I’ve paraphrased that bit). When he read the vertical words, however, Tasha, it would seem, was turned off. I pronounced ‘Pucedcacr’ as ‘Puced cacker’. “What?” screamed Tasha. It killed the romance in the room stone dead. Maybe, stick to roses next year, Dave.
Thursday 17th February 2022
Silence is golden (or not)
No sooner had this week’s Weekly Review hit the doormats of the nation, or whatever it does in an email inbox, and Jason was speedily hitting the reply button. “You are absolutely right!” opened Jason. “I don’t like anything with a silent first letter”. He went on to say that he didn’t really like Wrexham (no reason given), but hated Knutsford because he was blamed for a motorcycle accident in Knutsford that wasn’t his fault. Fair enough, Jason, but I write with honesty and wrily, although your wrath wrangles me but psychology gnaws away at those who honour wretched writers. I’ve got this feeling that Jason will reply, “you knob”. I’m expecting a tsunami of mail now. Good knight.
Friday 11th February 2022
Minding my Ps and Qs
Jason Anonymous is still alive and well. We hadn’t heard from Jason for a while. I suspected he had been having dinner with Sean Penn and the like. He tells us that following last week’s review, he realised that teams beginning D and W were best. He had a good craic in Dumbarton as a young man and Dunfermline is well-liked for less clear reasons. And, as Jason says, how can you not like Darlington? As for Ws, he’s a bit more vague, but I’ll ready for the next email to report back.
Friday 4th February 2022
Grim Bee
This week’s review prompted an email from someone called A. Grimsbyfan. Mr Grimsbyfan coincidentally supports Grimsby Town. Mr G, it seems, has a hatred of teams beginning with B. He sincerely hopes Boreham Wood stay in the Conference and Bromley lose at Tonbridge Angels in the FA Trophy 5th Round. I’m wondering if last week’s Weekly Review prompted this when B words were discussed. Mr G favours York City or Wrexham as favoured winners of the FA Trophy. You will note that both teams alphabetically are at the opposite end to Boreham Wood and Bromley. Mr G adds “don’t ask me about other teams that play in stripes”. Other than Grimsby, I assume. No, we won’t ask.
Sunday 30th January 2022
Good win for Prescot Cables
Prescot Cables may be struggling in the Northern League West Division but they got a good win this week – thanks to Jack Goodwin. He scored the only goal in a 1-0 win away to 1874 Northwich. Prescot Cables come from Prescot, believe it or not, which is close to St Helens. All we want to know is if Jack Badloss was in the Northwich goal, but I somehow doubt it.
Tuesday 25th January 2022
More than a draw
Headline writers for the Cinderford Town v Barnstaple Town game had to do some last-minute editing last Saturday. With ten minutes left, Barnstaple Town were leading 2-0, thanks to goals from Adam Hill and William Tucker. Then, Zac Drew popped up to make it 2-1. With two minutes left, Drew scored again, making it easy for the headline writer in the sports department of the Cinderford Chronicle. But, deep into injury time, Zac spoilt it by completing his hat-trick. Zac’s life, I guess.
Sunday 23rd January 2022
Irrelevances
Someone wrote to complain about the St Albans v Cheshunt report. There was a query about the relevance of Olives & Samphire in a football report and the implausibility of a team called Olives & Samphire. Who would have predicted Hashtag United would be a football team ten years ago? It seems the reader would prefer more news about Dagenham & Redbridge, Havant & Waterlooville, Bowers & Pitsea or, even, Felixstowe & Walton United. Instead, we offer the news this week that the bowls club in Felixstowe is known as Felixstowe & Suffolk Bowls Club, which is curious, given that Felixstowe is in Suffolk. Thank you for your letter, anyway. Enjoy your gin & tonic tonight before your bangers & mash tonight.
Thursday 13th January 2022
A hell of a thrashing for Larkhall Athletic?
A correspondent, who called himself or herself ‘A’, presumably supports Stockport County. ‘A’ wrote at length, but started by pointing out there was a bias towards the underdogs in this week’s review as Larkhall Athletic, County’s opponents, were wished ‘good luck’. ‘A’ went on to suggest that he or she had “probably visited all 32 towns” in the 4th Round draw. I wasn’t convinced as Larkhall was referred to as “a small place down South“. And, if you are thinking of driving to see Spennymoor Town this weekend, ‘A’ advises that they “play in a corner of the country“. Who needs satnav with directions like that? Returning to the Larkhall tie, ‘A’ hoped that County would give them “a decent thrashing” and send them “packing back down South“. Let’s hope it’s not an indecent thrashing.
Monday 10th January 2022
Messrs D & C Penn
Of course, Jason Anonymous came back in an instant after my post on Friday. He wanted to clarify that he and his wife have met not only Russ Penn and Sean Penn but also Mark R Penn. This frankly seems unlikely to me. However, around Christmas on a night when the moon shone brightly, unlikely as it may sound, I met D. Penn and Chris Penn even.
Friday 7th January 2022
Penn friends
Jason Anonymous is back after his Christmas break. He is delighted to tell us that he has met Russ Penn, the Kidderminster Harriers’ manager and owner of Phil Neville’s sweaty Everton shirt. But, there’s more. He has also met Sean Penn. And, there’s even more. So, has his wife, but it’s not clear if she has met both Russ Penn and Sean Penn or just Sean Penn. I’m sure I’ll find out soon. I’m also expecting an invite round to dinner in the near future.
Wednesday 5th January 2022
New Year’s Honours List
The staff at Buckingham Palace seem to be in full swing after the Christmas break. I have scoured the New Year’s Honours List, but I couldn’t find Fat Rophy anywhere in the list. Assuming this must be an oversight, I called Buck Palace and a very helpful lady said that she would check it for me and get back to me. I wasn’t expecting a knighthood, of course, but I assume they will track down my MBE for services to non-League football soon.
Monday 3rd January 2022
Contract post
I usually get paid £10 for every post I make on this website. It’s not much, but it helps to make ends meet. However, when I checked the small print in my contract, I noticed that I get £20 if I post on a public holiday as long as the post is more than 100 words. So, here are some scores from New Year’s Day. Slimbridge 3 Mangotsfield United 5. Ramsbottom United 1 Mossley 2. 1874 Northwich 1 Runcorn Linnets 2. Cleethorpes Town 1 Bridlington Town 1. Ossett United 1 Brighouse Town 0. Kempston Rovers 1 Biggleswade 1. 100 words!
Wednesday 29th December 2021
Saints alive
With the next featured tie in the FA Trophy being St Albans v. Cheshunt and much recent discussion about pronunciation, the tie has thrown up yet more questions. Larkhall Athletic contacted us via Twitter and informed us that St Albans is pronounced as “Snorbens”, while another avid reader wanted to know if there is a dot after the ‘St’ part of St Albans. We haven’t even got to whether Albans has an apostrophe or how it sounds a bit like all-bran, but there’s still over two weeks to go, so there’s plenty of time to sort these niceties out.
Thursday 23rd December 2021
Fat Row Fee
I was worried about the health of Jason Anonymous as he had been strangely quiet for a couple of weeks, but within minutes of this week’s Weekly Review dropping through his letterbox (I think they are called inboxes these days), Jason was in contact with me. He wondered how I pronounced Fat Rophy. Well, assuming you are referring to the Rophy bit, it’s a long O, like Row-Fee. Rophy, as in rhyming with toffee, does sound a tad common, I agree. I am equally curious about your surname, though, Jason. I checked my old London phone directory which covers A-D and couldn’t find anyone with the surname Anonymous.
Monday 20th December 2021
Head on the block prediction off
So, there was no head on the block prediction for this round of the FA Trophy as the Maidenhead v Maidstone was called off due to Covid in the Maidenhead camp. It means that Maidstone United get a walkover. It also means that there will need to be a double head on the block (if you see what I mean) for the 4th Round. A two-headed monster, you might say.
Thursday 9th December 2021
What to do this Saturday?
There’s no FA Cup and no FA Trophy this weekend. However, the FA Vase moves into the 3rd Round Proper, which means that mouthwatering ties between the likes of Walsall Wood v Anstey Nomads and Wythenshawe Town and Billingham Synthonia take place. Don’t forget that there’s the big Midlands derby between Coventry Sphinx and Coventry United. The only ‘City’ left in the competition is Guildford City, but there are two ‘Abbey’ teams – Abbey Hey and Abbey Rangers; both have home ties. More news in the Weekly Review next week.
Thursday 2nd December 2021
Meaty teams
The meaty teams are coming thick and fast now. Redmania (I guess his team plays in red) suggests Halesowen Town – it took me a second, but I can see that sow is in there. Kenny Stowmarket suggests Horsham – it’s almost horse and ham in one. Of course, if you are a vegetarian, you might come up with Nuneaton Borough.
Wednesday 1st December 2021
Leg of lamb
The best meat in the names of football teams brought a quick reply from Tania1974. As Tania, it seems, approaches 50, she came up with Ramsbottom United. Sadly, Ramsbottom United were butchered in an 8-0 defeat to Warrington Rylands last weekend. Any more entries?
Tuesday 30th November 2021
Odd socks
I had just enough time to drink a cup of tea after the Weekly Review 12 dropped into inboxes around the world. Sure enough, the inbox, as predicted, received a communication from Jason Anonymous. He informed me that the odds on Maidenhead and Maidstone were nothing like 1 in 63 as there is a north/south split in the 3rd Round of the FA Trophy, thus making it a 1 in 31 chance. Actually, there are 14 Northern ties and 18 Southern ties, thus making it 1 in 35. I think we are there now on this one. (Awaits email from Jason)
Wednesday 24th November 2021
Just in time?
It took a matter of minutes for this week’s Weekly Review to get a reaction. The topic, however, was not about football. It was a dissertation on rounded brackets, parentheses and square brackets. The email was from Jason Anonymous, of course, who was wrongly referred to as Justin Anonymous in the Weekly Review. He concludes his post as follows: “It [the presence of square brackets] is easy to understand. However, the reference to Justin (aka Jason) was a careless error“.
Thursday 18th November 2021
The King George Hen Part 2
Jason Anonymous seems to wait until I go to bed to update me with his daily thoughts. Bored with discussions about fat, he has moved on to the King George Hen debate. He cites several errors in my post yesterday as follows: 1) The King George hen in Kennington laid three eggs (not two) 2) The eggs were laid at fine leg (not third man) 3) There is a contradiction. The Bishop’s Stortford v Chipstead report stated that the hen laid the egg after the goal whereas yesterday’s post referred to an egg laid in the first half (there were no goals in the first half). Perhaps, one egg was laid at two different times in the game. 4) Yesterday’s post referred to a “fine, local King George hen”, whereas the hen was fat (not that again) and from a distant land. Be assured, Jason, I have a team of researchers on to your amazing claims.
Wednesday 17th November 2021
The King George Hen
Mr Ringworm kindly contacted us to question the reference to “King George of Wembley decided to lay on the pitch” in the Bishop’s Stortford v Chipstead report. Mr Ringworm seems to have forgotten the incident midway through the first half of the 1971 Arsenal v Liverpool FA Cup Final when a fine, local King George hen entered the field of play and laid an egg. However, he did correctly recall the goal that a long-haired Arsenal player called Charlie scored in extra time. It was not the first time that a King George hen had entered a sports field. Many will recall the time in Kennington when Sir Alec Bedser was bowling from the Vauxhall End when a King George hen laid two eggs at third man. The ground was subsequently renamed The Ova. Of course, Charlie George in that Wembley Final did lie on the pitch. Apparently, as he entered the field, he told his teammates that he would remain standing if he scored a goal. That’s all, yolks.
Wednesday 17th November 2021
Fatuous nonsense
Mr Jason Anonymous clearly has plenty of time on his hands. He also seems obsessed with things connected with fat. He cites three things. 1) If an overweight striker scored three times, it would be a fat-trick. 2) Substitutes are used when they are fatigued 3) If the FA Trophy was held in Western Australia, would there be a fatwa? Well, Mr Anon, thank you for your offering of unfathomable infatuation.
Monday 15th November 2021
Fat’s enough of that
A letter arrived this week from Jason Anonymous, a strange surname. It was addressed as ‘Dear Fats’. Firstly, I was not named after Fats Domino. Jason was now on a roll; you might call it the domino effect. The letter, if you can call it that, continued to say that my column should be called ‘Chewing the Fat‘, something even Mrs Rophy found a distasteful thought. He continued by asking if I was a ‘fat cat’. I’ll have a word with the WebHost about the idea of ‘Chewing the Fat‘ but ‘fat cat’ is certainly not appropriate. You should see how little I get paid for these ramblings. Thanks, anyway, Jason, but it’s time to get back to your Argonauts.
Wednesday 10th November 2021
Apostrophes, hyphens, ampersands and exclamation marks
There seems to be a growing interest in FA Trophy teams with punctuation marks in their name. Ampersands are two-a-penny – there are 10 teams in the competition – Rushden & Diamonds, Bowers & Pitsea, Dagenham & Redbridge, Felixstowe & Walton United, Hampton & Richmond Borough, Havant & Waterlooville, Hayes & Yeading, Maldon & Tiptree, Tooting & Mitcham United, Wingate & Finchley. When it comes to apostrophes, there are only two – Bishop’s Stortford and King’s Lynn Town (but not St Neots). Sadly, there are no teams with a hyphen in the FA Trophy, which is surprising when you have Newcastle-under-Lyme, Harrow-on-the-Hill and many more. The king of them all would have been Westward Ho!, but Westward Ho! Athletic changed their name in 1998 to Westward Bell Athletic without a sign of an ampersand. Needless to say, they disbanded two years later. It’s no wonder really.
Friday 5th November 2021
Richard The Third
Richard444444 seems to have some spare time on his hands. In his third communication in as many days, Richard444444 tells me that in 1895 Royal Engineers played Blackburn Olympic. He claims that it is still the only time that two teams with Y as the third letter of one of their names have met in the FA Cup. I might be gullible, but come on, Richard.
Thursday 4th November 2021
Y v Y not why oh why
The weekly review this week made reference to the first FA Cup tie ever between Y clubs, Yate Town and Yeovil Town. It had the subtitle of ‘Why Why Why’. Richard444444 contacted me to explain that the subtitle had one why too many. He suggested that it should have been ‘Why Oh Why’. This doesn’t make sense. It would need an unlikely triangular tournament between Yate Town, Oxford City and Yeovil Town, for example, for this heading. I must ask Richard – Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? You see, I’m more wise than Richard.
Tuesday 2nd November 2021
Chipstead set to offer @fatrophyhound salary
Four games, four wins when @fatrophyhound has watched Chipstead this season. Chipstead have offered him a salary to come and watch all their games. I have a feeling his earnings from this website are so high that they won’t be able to afford him.
Monday 1st November 2021
A plea from a FCUM fan
FC United of Manchester got a mention last week, but only a mention. It was enough to inspire one fan with the name Ole Gunnar Disastjaer to write to me. Ole Gunnar’s offer was to write an article for me about the history of FC United of Manchester. I’m afraid I’ve already accepted an offer from FCUM’s splinter Sunday morning football club, AFC FC United of Manchester for a serialised version of their history. I think they won 13-1 last week, although the 12th goal was disputed as they haven’t got any nets yet.
Monday 25th October 2021
More ‘Play the game’ and English lessons
My new assistant starts next week to deal with the deluge of post that arrives every day. First of all, Denise, presumably a Dover Athletic supporter, was irate about my comment regarding Dover’s refusal to play after the 8.30 pm deadline (see ‘Play the game‘ post below). She pointed out that ‘8.30 was the deadline, Yate were late’ and reasoned ‘if a penalty is just outside the area, would you give a spot kick if you were referee? Rules is rules’. Two minutes later, another email arrived from Jed in Barrow, who merely told me to ‘Keep up’ after wrongly posting about Barrow being in the FA Trophy (see ‘Barrow fans should be angry‘ below). Fair enough, Jed. Finally, Mr Ringworm raised the topic of voiced and voiceless alveolar plosives. He’s clearly a dop tog in English. I’m putting Mr Ringworm in touch with Denise to explain that ‘rules is rules’ is flawed. I’m hoping someone else has the patience to explain that a penalty just outside the area isn’t a penalty or, maybe, I’m missing something. If Yate beat Dover this week, we can say that ‘Dover, it’s over”, Denise. You seem to like a good old rhyme. I need to lie down, I’m exhausted.
Friday 22nd October 2021
Play the game, Dover Athletic
My bulging postbag has several letters asking me to pursue the postponement of the Yate Town v Dover Athletic tie last Tuesday. The referee found a problem with the lights and set three deadlines to get the lights fixed. The last deadline which was sanctioned by the F.A. was 8.30 pm. The lights were fixed by 8.34 pm according to Yate Town. The F.A. decided that as long as both teams agreed to play, the game could go ahead. Dover Athletic allegedly decided to pack their bags and head home up the M4. The game now takes place on Tuesday 26th October. Come on, Dover Athletic, what was the problem? There were over 500 fans in the ground, presumably some from Kent.
Friday 22nd October 2021
An error by Fat Rophy
I put my hand up and admit an error. A fan of mine, possibly from the Outer Hebrides, called Ringworm pointed out that the loathed verdict anagram of Dover Athletic was flawed as the anagram had an extra ‘t’. Not, so, Sir. It was an extra ‘d’ in which case it should have been loathe verdict. As I said to my chiropractor, “I never thought you could cure my back pain, but I stand corrected”. Anyway, Mr I Wrong (that’s an anagram of Ringworm), enough littered havoc to detach liver or chatted live with lithe cavorted.
Tuesday 19th October 2021
Barrow fans should be angry
Blooper by @fatrophyhound. He talked about going to Barrow in his Hashtag to Wembley quest. Not possible. Barrow are in League 2. It’s corrected now, of course.
Thursday 14th October 2021
Dover Athletic loathed verdict
It’s FA Cup week with the winners in the 1st Round Proper. Yate Town travel to Dover Athletic, the club that furloughed its players, and got fined heavily by the FA. Interestingly, an anagram of Dover Athletic is loathed verdict. Appropriate or what?
Wednesday 13th October 2021
Cities and Towns
There are four City teams in the 4th Qualifying Round of the FA Cup. Two of them are York City and Bath City. Can you name the other two? No cheating, please.
Thursday 7th October 2021
Chipstead at Aylesbury
Aylesbury will need to watch out for Chipstead’s tactic of incessantly shaking hands with the opposition before the game to tire them out https://twitter.com/i/status/1446038407671595011
Monday 4th October 2021
FA Cup Draw
This website is following Yate Town in the FA Cup. Make sure they tell the coach driver to stop Dover, otherwise, they will be playing in the French Cup.
Friday 1st October 2021
Aylesbury next week
I’m looking forward to Aylesbury United vs Chipstead. I wonder if they serve Aylesbury Duck instead of Peking Duck in the Chinese restaurants.
Saturday 25th September 2021
FA Trophy kicks off for 2021-22
£1500 is the prize money for winning a First Round Qualifying game. That’s more than I get paid for a whole season of witticisms.
Tuesday 21st September 2021
The distance between Newcastle and Newcastle
It’s Newcastle Town that are appearing in the FA Trophy 1st Round Qualifying this weekend at Kempston Rovers. I remember a mileage road sign near Stoke that read Stoke 2 Newcastle 5. “If only” were the words written underneath it by a Geordie fan. If only, indeed.
Friday 17th September 2021
FA Cup standout ties
It’s the Second Round Qualifying of the FA Cup this week. Darlington face Chester City, a game that must have taken place many times before in the Football League. Gateshead also face Bradford (Park Avenue), two other old adversaries. Bring back the old Division Four.
Tuesday 14th September 2021
Team names part 2
I was about to write the Football Association when I discovered a football team called Quorn. It turns out it’s not a team for vegans to follow, but a proper place. I wonder if anyone has ever lived in Ham and Sandwich.
Sunday 12th September 2021
Team names
Hashtag United is a strange name for a football team. Football teams should represent towns or cities. Bring back the good old days when teams like Wanderers used to win the FA Cup.
Tuesday 7th September 2021
My groundhopping plans thwarted
I just noticed on his groundhoppers page that he has restricted the free beers to 5 groundhoppers per game (and only one beer!). That’s the plans of my 100 groundhopping mates scuppered.
Saturday 4th September 2021
Chipstead and a pub
Of course, we all know why he chose Chipstead as the trial game. He had been on Tripadvisor and found the White Hart pub was a few hundred yards from the ground.