Hornets sting
There’s nothing like a cup upset. On Saturday, I witnessed the Hornets of Horsham from the Isthmian Premier beat the National League’s Dorking Wanderers. The Hornets thoroughly deserved their 2-0 win, scoring twice within a minute in the first half. The reward for Horsham is a trip to Barnsley in the First Round Proper. The weirdest moment in the game was when Horsham had apparently scored early in the game, only for the referee to consult with his linesman following Dorking protests. The protests meant yellow cards for two or three Dorking players. The ref confusingly appeared to point to the penalty spot and then decided to rule the goal out. Harrison Male in Dorking Wanderers goal and a Dorking striker led the protests. By the way, Harrison identifies as male, although he may identify with the capital of the Maldives. We may never know.
Capital punishment
Following on from Harrison Male, the Dorking Wanderers keeper, I wondered if any other ‘capital’ players have played professionally. Brian London was
a famous boxer, but there are few footballers. George Parris of West Ham. Dion Dublin, Justin Edinburgh, and Kevin Muscat, to name a few. There’s also Delhi Alli, of course. There must be more.
Mild mimic livid
A highly respected follower of this weekly review who goes by the name of Ringworm awarded himself 1001 points. Why? Because the sum of the Roman numerals in Ringworm is 1001. He notes that Oldham Athletic of the National League does well with LDMLIC in their name. Of course, Dagenham & Redbridge are disqualified as they have an ampersand. However, we can reveal that Lincoln Moorlands Railway AFC can claim an impressive 10 letters. As for the highest score, Wokingham and Emmbrook top the table with 3001. We think Ringworm’s real name must be VIC.
Papering over the cracks
Oh dear. The wheels have come off here at the Non-League Weekly Review. In last week’s review, there was a piece called Busy Lisbie about 44-year-old Kevin Lisbie, scoring for Cray Valley Paper Mills in the FA Cup. It turns out the K. Lisbie shown as a scorer is no other than Kyrell Lisbie, Kevin’s son. Kev, my old mate, why did you give your son a name with the same initial? You know it’s confusing when the post arrives. Kevin Lisbie, an ex-Charlton player, did play for Cray Valley PM, leaving in 2021, before ending his career at VCD Athletic, another fine Roman numeral club. Kevin scored 41 goals for CVPM. Cray Valley’s 5-2 win over Enfield Town in the 4th Round Qualifying of the FA Cup means they now travel to Kev’s old club, Charlton, which means a Valley is playing at The Valley.
Famous players
The article about ex-British Prime Ministers scoring goals in last week’s review seemed to spark memories for readers. Jim, a Stockport County fan, fondly 
remembers the back four he played in, which contained two Greens, a White and a Brown. Whether Jim’s full name is Jim Green, Jim White, or Jim Brown remains a mystery. Jason Anonymous chipped in, too, but discarded the need for any football connection. He claims to have worked in an office where everyone’s surname rhymed with an inanimate object. Extraordinary, but what inanimate object rhymes with Anonymous?
Asian Hornets
There’s been much talk about the Asian hornet arriving in the UK recently. I’m not sure if Asian hornets are yellow and green, but if they are, they have arrived in Horsham and are huge. As there is a Latin theme this week, you will probably want to know that the Asian hornet’s Latin name is Vespa velutina, which sounds more like a scooter. We hope the wheels don’t come off for this.
Blyth spirit
It was undoubtedly harsh on Bishop’s Stortford that after winning promotion to the National League, they were allocated a place in the North Division as the dividing line between north and south has come so far south. On Saturday, they made their longest trip of the season to Blyth Spartans but unfortunately lost 3-0. Their next away trip is to King’s Lynn Town for the Apostrophe Cup Final. Allez Les Bleus, as they say in Stortford.
Rebel with a cause
Rohan Luthra is on loan from Cardiff City, playing for Slough Town. The Rebels keeper managed to get his name on the scoresheet twice in the FA Cup tie
Spot the red keeper
against Ebbsfleet United. Just after the interval, Luthra dropped a corner, which somehow trickled into the net. Then, in stoppage time, Luthra punched a corner into his own net so that the game ended 2-2. Was it any coincidence that Luthra wore a red kit similar in colour to Ebbsfleet’s red shirts?
Chain letters
Sporting Club Thamesmead of the Southern Counties East Division 1 deserves a mention. Their name contains 17 different letters of the alphabet, more than any other club in the Pyramid. West Didsbury & Chorlton AFC can also claim 17, but I have disqualified them for three reasons – they have an ampersand, AFC is cheating, and they can’t spell Charlton correctly. Sorry, guys. Godolphin Atlantic (Newquay) with 16 different letters are worthy runners-up, although I am not sure why they need Newquay in parentheses. Presumably, it’s to differentiate them from other Goldolphin Atlantics. Horden Community Welfare can also claim 16. That’s it for this week. I’m civil, as Roman numerologists might say.
