Test tube
It’s quiz time. Can you name the top ten English clubs in terms of the number of YouTube subscribers? The top eight are Liverpool, Manchester United, Man City, Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs, Everton and Wolves, with Newcastle United in tenth place. Which club is ninth? The answer is further down. You can
award yourself a gold star if you can also name the club in 18th place.
Flying high
One of our readers, Ringworm, was enthused by the article about England C in last week’s issue. He noted that Ryan de Havilland scored the only goal of the game when England C last played Cymru C and wondered whether Ryan is the only footballer to have a name comprised of an airline and an aircraft. Robin Piper, a non-League journalist, and Scoot (OK, it’s Scott) Piper deserve a mention, although my favourite is Bude Town’s Tornado Bello. Sadly, Bello is not an airline. Of course, in the women’s game, Ana Boeing, the German striker, is well-known as a substitute who can nip on and score. I sense that Ana might fly over some heads.
Borough buried
There was sad news last week when Nuneaton Borough, who have reached the FA Cup 3rd Round three times, announced they were withdrawing from the Southern League Premier. Crippling debts, players leaving and a transfer embargo meant that the end was in sight before Christmas. In October, the club was locked out of their inappropriately named Liberty Road stadium and limped on, playing home games at Barwell and Stratford Town. Thankfully, supporters already have plans to form a phoenix club.
Esprit de corps
The see-saw game of the weekend was Bracknell Town’s 4-3 win over Gosport Borough in the Southern League Premier South Division. The Robins took a 2-0 lead early in the second half, but Borough bounced back to lead 3-2. Jordan Esprit equalised six minutes into stoppage time, with Hayden Vaughan scoring the winner two minutes later. Scoring for Borough earlier was Bradley Tarbuck, meaning two comperes of Sunday Night at the London Palladium 
were on the scoresheet. However, Esprit certainly beat the clock. Note: Readers under the age of sixty may need to use Google.
United in grief
I recently overheard two Manchester United fans on a train moaning about their club’s patchy form. “Ten Hag is the problem”, the lanky one opined. “Oh, I can’t face talking about it”, replied the short, tubby one. “Nor can I really”, said Lanky, looking glum. The lanky one added, “Did you see Hannibal Mejbri has been loaned out to Seville this week?” Short Tubby shook his head and looked down without speaking. I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t talk about it, but I wondered if that was the elephant in the room. As a Charlton supporter, I can, of course, fully understand their torment.
She sells seashells
The Dragon Welsh 6th Round ties were played last week. The result that you should try to say aloud five times, preferably after a couple of beers, is Penrhyncoch 3 Penrhiwceiber Rangers 0. I’m hoping they draw Cefn Cribwr in the semis. Penrhyncoch are nicknamed the Roosters, but that may be a coch and bull story.
Feeling bullish
…talking of which..more bull this week. Jersey Bulls have drawn Falmouth Town at home in the last sixteen of the FA Vase. It means that the FA Vase could end up overseas for the first time in its history. Arguably, the nearest that the Vase has ever come to going overseas was when the trophy was held less than a mile from a major airport runway in 1984. The winners that year were Stansted. It was a fantastic year for the Spartan League club, winning the East Anglian Cup, Essex Senior League League Cup and the Eastern Floodlit Cup in the same year. Besides that, winning the Stansted & District Challenge Cup in 1914 and 1922 are the club’s high spots. Hopefully, the Jersey Bulls and Stansted can fly high in 2024.
Own goal of the week
Last week’s videos were well received, so I thought this rather strange own goal was worth a few seconds of your time. Take a look at this video.
Four wheel drive
There’s a campaign on Twitter to ban goals with wheels. You can be assured that Fat Rophy is right behind it (the campaign, not the goal). You simply can’t have goals with wheels. Initially, they were not to be allowed under FA rules, but it would appear that ruling has now changed. It really is yet another case of moving the goalposts.
Tubeway Army
OK, so did you get the missing ninth club on the list of YouTube subscribers? Well, it is Hashtag United, a club playing in the Isthmian League Premier Division. Take a look. Palmers FC, a Sunday team, is doing rather well in 18th place, ahead of Sheffield United and even the green and white hoops in Scotland.
That’s all, Folkes
Folkestone Invicta have had a decent start to 2024, playing four Isthmian Premier League games in January without defeat. The results have pulled them out of the relegation places. After a 0-0 draw away to Haringey Borough on Saturday, the Seasiders have two winnable games against Canvey Island and Carshalton Athletic. However, they end the month facing league leaders Hornchurch at home on the 30th of January. That game will be the acid test when Hornchurch visit the Folkestone Invicta’s Alcaline Stadium. Yes, I think I should go now.
