Second best
The playoffs for the National League, National League North and National League South have been in full swing. With the champions of each league automatically promoted, runners-up had to gain promotion through the playoffs. All three second-placed teams lost in their playoff matches. There were defeats for Barnet by a massive 4-0 margin at home to Solihull Moors, Scunthorpe United lost on penalties to Boston United after a goalless game, and Chelmsford City lost 3-2 at home to Braintree Town after scoring twice in stoppage time to take the game into extra time. It’s not a good year for the divisional runners-up.
National Trust
The National League administrators were thrown into turmoil last weekend. After the final scheduled league games, the EFL decided to disqualify Gateshead from participating in the playoffs, as there was no ten-year guarantee on their ground. The National League gave Solihull Moors, Gateshead scheduled opponents, a bye to the semi-
finals of the playoffs, issuing a press release. Later, they re-read their rulebook and gave the bye to higher-placed Altrincham. Why this took place at the eleventh hour and why the next team in the league table, Aldershot Town, didn’t replace Gateshead is beyond me. The loss of Barnet and the removal of Gateshead ensures a new club will enter the EFL next season.
Shaking up the squad
The new version of Bury FC reached third place in the North Counties Premier League and now take part in the playoffs. Wythenshawe were the division’s winners on goal difference from Wythenshawe Town. Bury now face Charnock Richard in the playoffs. However, the Shakers have been shaking up their squad this season, it would seem, as they have used no fewer than 80 players. There are rumours that the management fell out with some players and couldn’t bury the hatchet.
No curing New Salamis problems
This weekend was the end of the road for New Salamis as they dropped out of senior non-League football. “Financial challenges” and “structural limitations” have brought the shutters down on the Isthmian League North club. It wasn’t a case of any port in a storm either, as they lost 6-1 away to Felixstowe & Walton United in their final game. The Club was founded in 1971 by fans of Nea Salamis Famagusta in Cyprus. However, they now aim to act as a community club rather than competing in the Isthmian League.
Hamper full of ham
The Dorset Senior Cup Final is tonight, featuring Shaftesbury against Hamworthy Recreation. And let’s hope the ham is worthy of a final, as the match sponsors are none other than The Hamper Company. The match takes place at Shaftesbury’s ground. When I tell you the ground’s name, I might make you think of farmyards or something entirely different. The game kicks off at Cockrams at 7.45 pm.
Black and Decker at the ready
Dover Athletic finished bottom of the National South, which means they will be in the Southern League or the Isthmian League next season. The club is already talking about drills, something their players may need to get back to the National South. Maybe there will be some boring 0-0 draws as they tighten their defence. Perhaps they will chuck key players.
Retrieving the ball
Possession of the ball is an overused statistic in football, offering little correlation to the actual result. There’s a fine video here of the ball being retrieved when a ball goes into the Thames at a Fulham game. Have they retrieved the ball? Havant and Waterlooville might be the answer.
Durable Marigolds
Everyone (well, if you’re over 60) remembers dear old Ted Moult advertising the durability of Marigold gloves. This weekend the
Marigolds of Littlehampton Town showed their durability with a 4-1 win that keeps them in the Isthmian League South Division next season. Littlehampton raced into a 3-0 lead with 15 minutes and ran out 4-1 one winners. Fans may have celebrated with a few shorts after the game, but it was Josh Short who added a fourth before Burgess Hill Town’s late consolation goal. However, it’s the end of Littlehampton’s 100-year-old stand as a new one is being erected in the summer.
Hot pants
Last week, Jason Anonymous won the title for the fastest email following the publication of a Weekly Review. He was responding to the article in last week’s review about Beer Albion. He writes, “Those slacks (actually, they are trousers) are black, not navy blue”. I consulted the Beer Albion website, and they definitely wear pale (ale) blue and dark (ale) blue. As for the slacks vs trousers debate, ChatGPT (where else should you check?) describes slacks as less formal, lighter 
material and looser. Maybe you have a point, Jason. Anyway, this topic is pants.
Promotion and Relegation matters
Hampton & Richmond Borough finished mid-table in the National League South, Bromsgrove Sporting narrowly avoided relegation from the Southern League Premier Central Division, and the Metropolitan Police just did enough to prevent being copped in a relegation tussle in the Isthmian League South East Division. Yet, all three clubs were wrapped up in promotion. Why? All three clubs contain all the letters of ‘promotion’. Are there any terms with all the letters of ‘relegation’? Well, there are several, with Tonbridge Angels being the shortest name. Thankfully, none of them were relegated this season – this includes Hengrove Athletic, Sporting Bengal United, Easington Colliery and Northampton Sileby Rangers.
Sticky End
I’ve always wondered about Glossop North End. The club was formed in 1886, six years after the more famous North End from Preston. 
Nowadays, they play to the west of the town if you count the railway station as the throbbing centre of Glossop. In the 1899-1900 season, they played in the First Division of the Football League but only lasted one year in the top flight. They even dropped the ‘North End’ at that time to avoid confusion with Preston. They fell out of the Football League after finishing bottom just before World War One and failing to gain re-election after the war. So I started to sympathise with The Hillmen – did they ever play the Imps?
All’s well that ends well
Let’s leap forward to this season. Glossop North End needed a point to avoid a drop from the North West Counties Premier League. They secured a 1-1 draw at Colne and stayed up. You’re probably wondering if Glossop North End ever played Preston North End. Well, indeed, they did. In the FA Cup in the 1913-14 season, they met each other. But there’s another interesting fact. The clash of the North Ends remains Glossop North End’s highest attendance of 10,736.
The end is nigh
And it seems appropriate to end with an End, as the Non-League Weekly Review disappears until next season, although there will be a Summer Special around the end of May/early June to wrap things up for the 2023-24 season. Thanks for reading this nonsense week in and week out and we sincerely apologise for the increased subscription fees for next season of £10000.
