This review is the last review of the year, as I have generously given my team of researchers next week off to polish up how team names are pronounced. The next Tuesday review will be on 4th January and will aim to help you get over any New Year hangovers.
Pronounced dead
If nothing else, my journey from Hashtag United to Wembley has been educational. What’s more, it continues to be so. In the 1st Round Proper, I found myself heading for Bishop’s Stortford to see the game against Chipstead. To be honest, I was not sure whether the town was called Bishop Stortford or Bishops Stortford. I learnt that, in fact, Bishop’s Stortford has an apostrophe and decided to see whether the apostrophe was in wide use or not.
You can’t get quicker than…
The rail services proved to be inconsistent, using it sometimes but not at other times; churches all seem to include an apostrophe, whereas Kwik-Fit saw no
need for an apostrophe. When you can’t be quicker than a Kwik-Fit fitter, you don’t have time for such niceties. (By the way, I haven’t stopped humming that advert to myself all day). Having counted the apostrophes carefully on my travels, I later learnt that no one in Bishop’s Stortford cares about the Bishop’s bit anyway. All the locals refer to the town as Stortford.
Pronounced limp
On my second visit to Bishop’s Stortford, they were drawn against Leiston from Suffolk. I merrily went about my business pronouncing the visitors to Stortford (got it right this time) as Lee-stun. As soon as I met some Leiston fans at Stortford, they corrected me about the pronunciation – it’s Lay-stun. OK, so I’ve learnt something else new. However, I shouldn’t have worried too much, Leiston’s effort was a bit limp as they succumbed 5-1 to the seven-foot giants of Bishop’s Stortford.
Pronounced guilty
The next game took me to Cheshunt’s ground for the visit of Bishop’s Stortford. Having assumed that Cheshunt sounded like something a keen chess player might do, perhaps after dropping a pawn on the floor, I had another lesson in pronunciation. Cheshunt isn’t a chess hunt at all; it has a ‘Z’ in the middle and only one ‘H’ – more Chezunt, you understand. I really need to learn how these team names are pronounced. Anyhow, congratulations to Cheshunt on making it to the 4th Round Proper of the FA Trophy for the first time. Although it took penalties to get past Bishop’s Stortford, it was a thoroughly absorbing game. Furthermore, it was a pleasure to visit such a friendly club. Full match report (of sorts) here.
No saint
As the draw on Monday came out of the hat, I discovered that Chezunt will be playing away to St Albans in the 4th Round Proper. Now, I know how to pronounce St Albans, but I am now worrying about whether it has an apostrophe. And, do the locals just call it Albans? I expect I’ll find out the hard way.
Spennymoor and more miles
First of all, congratulations to Plymouth Parkway from the Southern League Division South for making it to the 4th Round Proper of the FA Trophy. They beat Dulwich Hamlet on penalties to make it to this round. Their reward? A trip of just under 400 miles to Spennymoor Town, which is just south of Durham or a little way to the northeast of Barnard Castle. You might find this information handy if there is another lockdown as Barnard Castle is an LEZ (Lockdown Exclusion Zone), as I understand it. Plymouth Parkway deserves all the luck in the world for its tie as well as needing a reliable bus company.
Larkhall off to Stockport
I proclaimed Larkhall Athletic’s game against AFC Totton as the tie of the round for the 3rd Round Proper as it featured two of three remaining Step 4 sides. Larkhall Athletic won 2-1 and now head to mighty Stockport County in the next round. After all the interest in football teams with meat in their names, it’s interesting that The Larks’ home ground is called Plain Ham. Whether a lark is edible is beyond my knowledge, but I do know you can’t buy a cheese and ham toastie at Larkhall Athletic’s ground.
The Hertfordshire Triangle
My next game is at St Albans, which will mean that I will have been to four consecutive FA Trophy games in Hertfordshire. I suspect that I will be watching the winners of the St Albans v Cheshunt tie at Boreham Wood in the next round. I am not clear why Boreham Wood play in Borehamwood, but I imagine there is an explanation. I’ll jump through that hoop if and when the need arises.
That’s it for 2021
It’s time then to wish Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all readers of the Tuesday Review. I’ll be back with more nonsense in 2022.
