The high life
The mention of the Rising Ballers of Kensington caught the attention of Max, a regular reader of the Weekly Review. He wondered whether the Rising Ballers could play a game against Sopranos FC, a team in the Barnet Sunday League Division 2. Presumably, he suggests, the team with the higher pitch
plays at home. The entrance fee would, of course, be a tenner. The manager of Sopranos FC is Barry Tone….no, no, stop.
Bottom of the class
Jason Anonymous can’t let the catfish story go, it seems. He is keen to tell me that the catfish is a bottom feeder. Not only does he share this fact, but he explains that a bottom feeder merely means that the fish feeds at the bottom of the sea. Obvious, really. He then links to Bracknell Town playing at Bottom Meadow and Ramsbottom being the only team in the FA Trophy with bottom in their name.
Loose connections
Jason’s tangential thoughts could have gone further. Ramsbottom were knocked out of the Trophy by Clitheroe. Now, older readers may remember Jimmy Clitheroe on The Clitheroe Kid. James is the longer form of Jimmy and Brackley Town play at St James Park. Brackley Town play in all red, the same colours as Liverpool. Liverpool’s biggest rivals are Manchester United. The Neville brothers both played for Manchester United. Nev was the name of the main character in the film Catfish. Will there be a lengthy reply from Jason?
Scraping the barrel
The quarter-finals of the A&S Interiors Devon League Cup start this week. Beer Albion are flying high at the top of the North-East Division and this week face Lakeside Athletic in second place in the South-West Division. But not all beers are equal, as Bere Alston United are staggering around at the bottom of the South-West Division with 6 points from 16 games. For the pedants, the North-East Division covers the north and east of Devon rather than the north-east of Devon.
Sack Patrick’s Day
Did anyone notice Patrick Vieira being sacked at Crystal Palace on St Patrick’s Day? Meanwhile, down the A23 from Crystal Palace, Matt Longhurst only lasted three weeks at Burgess Hill. He decided to leave after a change of work commitments. The Burgess Hill committee must be reeling. After putting out the welcome mat, they quickly faced a matt finish. Lewis Taylor, the club’s captain, takes over the role.
Copied surnames
I can forgive Blyth Spartans for having the same ending to their name as the Edinburgh-based team, Spartans FC, particularly as the Scottish club was only formed in 1951. I’m more curious about Okehampton Argyle. Not only do they play in the same county as their big brother from Plymouth, but they were born 40 years later. Of course, Farsley Celtic and Stalybridge Celtic have cousins from across the border. However, Brightlingsea Regent, Folkestone Invicta, Gainsborough Trinity and Tonbridge Angels have no bigger relatives. There are, of course, others.
Unrelated teams
Now, let’s turn to Glossop North End. Why did they feel the need to copy Preston? Well, in fact, they didn’t, it would seem. Preston North End was formed from the merger of Preston and North End. In fact, North End were formed from a cricket club and briefly became a rugby club before adopting the rules of association football. Glossop North End came from the north end of Glossop and remain the smallest town to have had a club playing in the top flight of English football. During their First Division days, Glossop dropped ‘North End’ to avoid confusion with Preston North End but restored their full name in 1992. Curiously, their biggest attendance was 10,736 when they played Preston North End in 1914.
Last season’s FA Trophy trail
Last season, I followed the FA Trophy from Hashtag United in the first round, continuing with the winners of each tie all the way to Wembley. I even
wrote a book called From Hashtag United to Wembley (more details). The two clubs I saw most times were Chipstead and Cheshunt. So I asked ChatGPT to make up a funny story of 75-100 words about an FA Trophy game between Cheshunt and Chipstead. Here’s the result…
Sir Nutty McGoalface
In an unforgettable FA Trophy match between Cheshunt and Chipstead, chaos ensued when a mischievous squirrel stormed the pitch. The furry invader dribbled the ball with surprising skill, leaving players on both teams utterly baffled. As Cheshunt’s goalkeeper lunged to capture the squirrel, Chipstead’s striker seized the opportunity and scored a comical goal. The match concluded with a 1-0 victory for Chipstead, but the real winner was the squirrel, who became a local legend and was promptly signed as the teams’ shared mascot, dubbed “Sir Nutty McGoalface.” (Ed: It might be better to get ChatGPT to write the Weekly Review from on).
