Monty Python
The Montagu Cup is a competition keenly fought each year in Yorkshire. Its 126-year history is celebrated in a book called The Mont. Holders Dog Daisy United will be looking to retain the trophy after last season’s 3-0 win over Dearne & District. This year’s draw potentially throws together Mind Over Matter against Gorilla, but Mind Over Matter will need to overcome Denaby Main in the Qualifying Round. Our money is on Joker FC or AFP Pewter Pot to win the 2023-24 Mont.
Line of duty
It’s a new season, and you might expect the players of Clapton to be clapped onto the field for the opening game in the Eastern Counties League South
Division fixture against Benfleet. However, there were no lines on the pitch or any sign of goal nets, so the game was called off. According to Clapton’s website, Clapton Football Club has no association whatsoever with the entity (or the individuals) known as Friends of Clapton FC, Clapton FC (the Real Club), Clapton FC News or Clapton Community FC. I do wonder whether the Friends of Clapton FC, Clapton FC (the Real Club), Clapton FC News and Clapton Community FC would like it to be known that they have no association with Clapton FC.
Bad Manors
To make matters worse for Benfleet, their second game was against Southend Manor. Guess what happened. It was the same thing. The pitch was not ready, and a second game was called off. The referee described the pitch as a building site. Benfleet’s third scheduled game did take place as they overcame Dunmow Town 1-0.
Silly season
The Isles of Scilly Football League kicks off again in November. All the teams in the League have alliterative names, which might sound surprising until you learn that there are two teams, Woolpack Wanderers and Garrison Gunners. The clubs meet in the League 18 times each season, plus once in the Wholesalers Cup and twice in the two-legged Foredeck Cup. Oh, and also, the season kicks off with the Charity Shield, a contest between the League and the Cup winners or the runners-up if one club does the double. Do away goals count double in the Foredeck Cup? Well, no, as all the games take place on the same pitch. Woolpack Wanderers are the current League title holders as they look to narrow the 20-15 title wins lead of Garrison Gunners in the coming season.
The PSNTM
The PSNTM can make a day at a football game better or worse. Oh, I forgot to mention that PSNTM stands for ‘Person sitting next to me’. Although this is a football newsletter, I attended a cricket game on Monday and was driven from my seat by an elderly couple who talked incessantly about boring things. You will understand why I had to move if I list some of the topics they covered. Rawlplugs for a mirror, fish fingers for tea tomorrow, something to do with a flange, which bus to catch on Wednesday, worrying about roadworks on Wednesday, repainting the front door, buying tickets for a raffle at a church event, the name of next door’s cat. I have forgotten a few, but this was within 15 minutes. When they opened their lunch, half-placing their bag on my lap, I had to part company with the PSNTM. I really wanted to know more about the flange, though.
Capital Punishment
Non-League clubs always dislike long midweek away trips for obvious reasons. The officials, players and fans of Winchester City, nicknamed the Capitals, have grounds for complaint as they have been given the away fixture at Merthyr Town in the Southern League Premier Division on a Tuesday night for the second season running. To make matters worse, all their local away games are on Saturdays. Is it a conspiracy or just plain old bad luck?
The PSNTM No.2
I attended Wealdstone v York City on Saturday. A slightly fortuitous win for the home side after The Mr Men (I mean Minstermen) took a 1-0 lead. The
PSNTM was far more entertaining as he and the PSNTH discussed which 11 different animals would be the most feared opposition at football. An elephant upfront would be hard to mark, a crocodile at full-back to snap away at the heels of the most fleet-footed winger. A kangaroo in midfield as he would have the opposition’s midfield star in his pocket (his friend corrected him and said it would be ‘in his pouch’). A hippo to block the goal. A cheetah to add some pace to the midfield and a gazelle on the wing. Just behind the forwards, you could have a mole playing in the hole. They disagreed over the mole but didn’t want to make a mountain out of it. I offered a bull, who could be a dirty midfield destroyer, as referees would be reluctant to show a red card to a bull. Anyhow, Wealdstone won 2-1 and in case I forgot to mention, it was a decent game.
Satisfied Stansted stuffed spirited Stotfold
One of Friday night’s FA Cup Extra Preliminary Round ties featured Stansted and Stotfold. The question is whether two clubs with similar names from different counties have ever met in the FA Cup. Both clubs have names of eight letters that begin with S and end in D (actually, both start with ST). The result was a 2-1 win for the Essex-based team Stansted, who now go on to play Brightlingsea Regent away. Splendid! Or, perhaps, blathering greetings.
