Ciao Retford
On Boxing Day, Retford faced Retford United in Northern Counties East Division One. The local derby (played in Nottinghamshire) ended with a 4-1 away win for the Badgers from Retford United. Retford Not United, nicknamed the Choughs, play at the Rail Ground. Indeed, the East Coast Mainline train services run alongside the ground. However, we are curious about why Retford are nicknamed the Choughs. Choughs are crows that barely reach Britain’s shores, and when they do, it’s the western coasts of Britain. More confusingly, Retford play in all blue. More logically, the Badgers play in the colours you would expect.
Dear Sheep and Young Goats
It might sound like the start of a letter to Old MacDonald’s Farm, but Kidsgrove Athletic recently beat 1874 Northwich with two goals from Woolley and
one from Fawns. Old King Cole scored the other two to add further colour to a bright day for Kidsgrove Athletic. It puts the Grove at the edge of the play-off spots in the Northern Premier League West Division.
Happy New Year
Arlesey Town get a mention this week as they have the shortest name with all the letters of ‘New Year’. The club plays at New Lamb Meadow – there’s a bit of a theme going on here – but are struggling in the Spartan League South Midland Premier Division right now. Since 1891, they have been champions of five different leagues – the Isthmian League Division Three, Southern League Division One Central, United Counties Premier League, Spartan South Midlands League and South Midlands League. In 1995, they won the FA Vase, beating Oxford City 2-1. Other ‘New Year’ clubs include Welwyn Garden City, Camberley Town, Crawley Green and Cray Wanderers. But, let’s not forget Greenways, a small club in Kent, with only two redundant letters.
Sacred Cows
This brings us on Old Mac’s Farm to Cowes Sports, a club mid-table in the Wessex Premier Division. Unlike their neighbours, East Cowes Victoria, from the division below, every game in the league is an overseas trip. The Vics were beaten 4-1 in their derby game against Newport (IOW), while the Yachtsman from Cowes Sports haven’t found this season plain sailing. This leaves you wondering, no doubt, whether there are any other cow teams. How about Solihull Moors, a club highly placed in the National League?
Farmy Army
The final item in this week’s edition of Farmers Weekly is about Bristol Manor Farm. You could say it’s our next portus abonae, which is indeed the club’s motto. The club enjoy two nicknames, the Farmy Army (I wonder where they got that from) and the Portwaymen. I wondered what a portwayman did for a living and whether it was connected with a farm, but Google revealed that Portway is merely a district of Bristol. In some ways, the club are up the creek, but that’s only because their home ground is The Creek. They are currently just outside the play-off spots in the Southern League Division One South, the highest level the club has played at.
No Crime scene
We reported on the Met Police in the last issue. After a hefty defeat, they bounced back in the game before Christmas to beat Thatcham Town 2-0 and then defeated Corinthian-Casuals 3-0. In both games, Body scored for Met Police. Fortunately, it wasn’t a dead body, so there was no crime scene. Witnesses were thin on the ground, though. Only 108 people saw the win over Thatcham Town. As for the Casuals, the strong arm of the law was not needed as their club website reminds us that the club stands for Promoting Fair-Play, Sportsmanship, and the Corinthian Spirit since 1882. However, they’ll need to win a few games to get out of jail.
Out on the Town
Farnham Town (almost another farm) offered fans a Christmas dinner of sorts at their pre-Christmas game against Camberley Town. While Farnham Town are excelling on the
pitch with 16 wins from 16 games in the Combined Counties Premier Division South, Christmas dinner of bangers and mash was on offer to spectators. Not only did the 4-0 win warm the fans but the bangers and mash were well received. As for Christmas dinner consisting of bangers and mash, we’ll pass no comment.
Ampersand forgiven
We generally don’t have much time for clubs with an ampersand in their name, but Brimscombe & Thrupp are a deserved exception. Any team with ‘Thrupp’ in their name deserve a bit of a relaxed attitude to ampersands. The club from Gloucestershire play in the Hellenic Premier League. They didn’t end the year on a high note, though, as they lost 5-1 to the tough opposition from Tuffley Rovers. Tuffley Rovers are known as the Poets. Maybe it’s time to find that poem by David Morice about the ampersand.
The long and the short of it
Playing in the same division as Brimscombe & Thrupp, the UHLSport Hellenic League Premier Division, are Slimbridge and Longlevens. The skinny ones lost to the lanky ones by a 3-2 margin. The win means Longlevens are sandwiched between the Poets and the ampersanded ones in 15th place. As David Morice might have written:
Amid poets and ampersand did stand,
In a literary sandwich so grand,
With words as my bread,
And ideas widespread,
I found myself in Wonderland!
