Life of Brian
As if to rival our Suffolk correspondent, who used to play in a team with Good, King and Wenceslas in the half back line, Brian from Nottinghamshire made contact with us at Fat Rophy Towers. Brian revealed that he used to play in a team which had five Brians. As this was confusing, it was agreed that the Brians would be referred to by their middle name, except captain Brian, who remained as Brian or ‘Skip’. Our correspondent reveals that he was known as Trevor (Ed: I’m assuming his middle name is Trevor), but, more significantly, the name has stuck, and many people still call him Trevor. While that seems unlucky, I can’t imagine that there have been five Brians of footballing age within 10 miles of each other for some years, so I am guessing this is in the 1960s. Also, does anyone still call the captain ‘Skip’? Am I right, Trev?
Welcome to South America – I mean St Albans
It’s great to go somewhere new and be welcomed with open arms (Ed: He’s not referring to guns here) by the locals. I can remember the
warm welcome I received in South America on my FA Trophy trail last season. Sorry, I mean Saudi Arabia. It was such a warm welcome from the locals. Sorry, I mean St Albans. Apparently, it’s easy to get confused once you reach 37.
It’s all Greek to me
Staines Lammas deserve mention. I heard someone refer to them as Staines Llamas, which, I would agree, would be a fun name. When I corrected them, they immediately responded, seemingly oozing great knowledge, “oh, like the Greek letter”. I didn’t feel a need to correct them, but they were obviously thinking of lambda. So, why Lamma? Lamma originates from the Lammas harvest festival. Lammas is also known as Loaf Mass Day; there was even a Lammastide, which falls midway between the summer solstice and autumn solstice. Another explanation is that lamma is any open field. Take your choice. Staines Lammas defeated Balham 4-3 on penalties at the weekend after drawing 2-2 in the Southern Combination Challenge Cup, by the way.
Esh losing
I’ve always thought that Northern League club, Esh Winning, had a potentially unfortunate name. How many times have players and fans heard or read the words ‘Esh Winning losing’? It must be a tired old joke. Outdoing Staines Lammas, though, Esh Winning used to be
called Esh Winning Pineapple, which presumably explains their Norwich-like colours. I rather like that name. However, the ‘Pineapple’ was dropped many years ago, and their nickname has changed to Esh or The Stags, presumably because they play at Stags Head Recreational Ground. Why was Pineapple dropped?
From Hashtag United to Wembley
There was a flurry of sales before Christmas as some lucky people, I assume, received a copy of From Hashtag United to Wembley in their Christmas stockings. Many thanks to those purchasing a copy. There will be an additional chapter, a sort of spare chapter, coming out in a revised version. This will reveal stories about my brother pushing me and my sister shouting at me. Pre-orders are in the thousands, my agent tells me. However, the book will only be available in Spanish – hopefully.
Oblique reference
In past reviews, we have explored the presence of apostrophes, ampersands and hyphens, but the slash, or forward slash as it has become more commonly called of late, has had little exposure. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that no fewer than four teams in the Everards Leicestershire Senior League Premier Division have a slash in their name. There are Allexton/New Parks, Blaby/Whetstone, Burbage/Huncote and, best of all, Desford/Caterpillar. Blaby and Burbage sound like accountants or solicitors, but Desford/Caterpillar stands out. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it was a printing error in last week’s Non-League Paper. The slashes are really ampersands.
The comeback of the week
The prize for the comeback of the week goes to Gainsborough Trinity. After half-time, they trailed 1-0 at Stafford Rangers to a penalty, scored by Tom Tonks, a good name for penalty-taker. Soon after the break, they were 3-0 down. In the last 25 minutes, Trinity scored four to turn the game on its head, the winner coming from Clayton Donaldson’s header.
Time-wasting initiative
There have been plenty of ideas over the years about ways to make football games more exciting. There was a campaign in the 1970s to
make goals wider so that more goals would be scored (and more missed, I suspect). It was revealed that last season the ball was in play for the lowest number of minutes for ten years in the Premier League – just 55 minutes. In League Two, it was even worse – 50 minutes. One change I do not support is the extended stoppage time that the Qatar World Cup brought us. Do we really want 14 minutes of the home fans whistling for full-time when their team holds a one-goal advantage?
FA Trophy weekend
We are down to what pundits call the business end of the FA Trophy with 32 teams left in the competition. The 16 ties take place this weekend; some familiar names are there. Last season, I saw Leiston succumb meekly at Bishop’s Stortford, but they are riding high this year and now have a trip from the Suffolk coast to Aldershot. This season’s FA Cup battlers, Coalville Town, may fancy their chances at Banbury United, while there’s a tale of two cities at Bath where Bath City face Chelmsford City. My money is on Notts County to raise the FA Trophy this year.
Saint alive
A St Albans fan wrote to me this week having read the book, From Hashtag United to Wembley. I am grateful for her comments about how much she enjoyed the book and that the book reminded her of Bill Bryson’s masterpieces. I am flattered by this, but don’t pretend to compete with Bill, although she is the third or fourth person to say this. Anyway, let’s remember he’s an American taking a view on us Englanders. However, I liked her parting comment most, “your report on the game against Cheshunt was actually what happened. How refreshing.” And, there was I thinking that I was being creative. In seriousness, for a moment, I have been asked if all the events in the book happened. My reply is always, “as far as I remember”.
