Early Bath for Fat Rophy
There was a record postbag (or whatever the email equivalent is) this week. “Banbury is not Bracknell!!!” exclaimed when one seemingly irate reader. I think there were more than three exclamation marks (isn’t one enough?), but no emoticons, I’m glad to say. Another complained, “You’re robbin’ us Puritans of our identity”, punning simultaneously. The reason for this furore: misreporting on my part, I am afraid. My sub-heading clearly stated, ‘Banbury pull the plug on bath’. In fact, it was Bracknell Town that emptied the bath. Oh, and the other pun took me a while to get – Banbury United are the Puritans, and Bracknell Town are the Robins.
Banburying the hatchet
To make it up to those puritanical Oxfordshire folk (quickly double-
checks and treble-checks Banbury is in Oxfordshire), let’s take a longer look at their FA Trophy season. They have had their 4th Round tie at home against Coalville Town postponed twice due to bad weather. In the previous rounds, they beat Stowmarket Town 6-0 before winning a tighter game against Bognor Regis Town 4-3, with six goals coming in the second period. If the Puritans win the rescheduled Coalville Town, they face a fourth home tie against Gateshead to end their run of ‘Town’ opponents. I’m a Puritan for life now.
Can’t iron out wrinkles
The plight of Scunthorpe United looks a bit desperate as HMRC has issued a winding-up order for unpaid tax. Scunthorpe, relegated from the Football League last season, are anchored at the bottom of the National League, their most recent home game being interrupted by fan protesting on the pitch. The National League table makes interesting reading – all the bottom seven clubs have appeared in the Football League. Similarly, all but one of the top seven have appeared in the Football League, whereas only two of the middle ten have played at a higher level.
Dipstick test
When you think Jason Anonymous has left to read other football websites, he is back with some valuable information. Last week, I
asked what you call the gesture where you put your thumb on your nose and wiggle your fingers, with the optional extra of poking out your tongue. Jason tells us that in his school days (you mean you’ve left school, Jason), they called it a dipstick because you would say ‘dipstick’ simultaneously. I guess that’s not easy if you’re poking your tongue out as well. Has anyone else heard this?
AFC clip Klopp
While Liverpool struggle (relatively speaking) in the Premier League, AFC Liverpool are doing rather well (Note: AFC stands for Affordable Football Club). They are fourth in a pack of four that have pulled away from the rest of the division in the North West Counties Premier League. In the FA Vase, they have a postponed tie away to Eccleshill United, which could put them in the last 16 of that competition. Although only six of the 16 FA Vase 4th Round ties have been played so far due to adverse weather, they have all resulted in home wins with the away teams failing to score. AFC Liverpool will need to reverse that whenever their games goes ahead.
Double letter teams
Wolverhampton Wanderers and Wycombe Wanderers are, as far as I know, the only two League clubs that have a name with two words beginning with the same letter. Curiously, they both begin with W. What about the non-League are there more or less? There are a few City teams – Chelmsford City, Cambridge City, Chichester City. A few Town teams -Taunton Town, Thatcham Town, Tiverton Town. But these are my favourites – South Shields, Bamber Bridge, Swindon Supermarine, Plymouth Parkway. These, by the way, don’t quite qualify – Hemel Hempstead Town (three words), Haywards Heath Town (three words), Corinthian-Casuals (hyphenated). I bet I have missed some. More emails will be on their way.
Moving the goalposts
I am reporting from the Philippines, where football is nowhere near the number one sport. I have been wandering around a couple of smaller cities, wondering if I will see any goalposts. As I approached a college’s sports field in Dumaguete, I was heartened to see some goalposts and, what’s more, a group of lads kicking a ball around. Two things struck me as I got nearer, though. Firstly, the other goalposts were near the halfway line at a 90-degree angle to the goal the students were using. Secondly, the goalkeeper had an average of four shots heading towards him at one time. Perhaps, their defence is poor, and he needs a lot of shots at him for practice.
RPV not harbouring any grudges
High-flying Combined Counties Premier South side, Raynes Park Vale were hot favourites to win at Brixham in the only FA Vase game taking last weekend due to the weather. Vale are unbeaten on the road this
season, but they found The Fishermen too hot to handle on a cold Devon day as the hosts ran out 2-0 winners. A goal in each half gave Brixham, reaching the last 16 for the first time, an away tie at either Hellenic League side Corsham Town, or Southen Counties East side Deal Town. Deal would be a round trip of well over 500 miles.
Favourite result of the week
A competition exists in Lancashire for players who are neither totally unfit nor fully fit. The Interfit Lancs Amateur Cup paired Walshaw Sports with the wonderfully-named Slyne-with-Hest. The result was a 2-2 draw, which Walshaw went on to win 4-3 on penalties. Slyne-with-Hest sounds like a Scottish expression, meaning cynical and aggressive; the sort of thing a mother might say to her teenage son – “don’t y’ be slyne with hest at me, young man”. I’m off to watch football in the Philippines with goals at 90-degree angles to each other – it will be interesting to watch.
